post your funny away messages!

::mine::

taking a shower...bars of soap around the world arre jelous.


G_ F_CK Y_ _ S_LF
WaNnA BuY a VoWeL??


Life is about how many breaths you take, but how many times your breath gets taken away. Like choking.


Call me @ 1-800-U-Actually-Think-I'd-Give-You-My-#


TOP 10
THINGS
MEN KNOW
ABOUT
WOMEN...

10...
9...
8...
7...
6...
5...
4...
3...
2...
AND THE NUMBER 1
THING MEN KNOW
ABOUT WOMEN IS

1...


Back when a hoe was a hoe/Coke was a coke/And crack's what you were doing/When you were cracking jokes/Back when a screw was a screw/The wind was all that blew/And when you said I'm down with that/It meant you had the flu/I miss back when


i hate it when people say LOL when what they said was def NOT funny........LOL!


A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why I'm not here. So leave a message.


Why do you care?


Out playing hide and seek with Osama Bin Ladin. Damn he's good!


%n is like a traffic ticket, uve got F-I-N-E writtin all over u!


"When a girl tells you how many guys she's slept with, multiply it by three and that's the real number. Didn't you learn anything in college?" –sTiFlEr


nothing runs like a queere


THE FUNNIEST THING ABOUT THIS IS THAT BY THE TIME YOU REALIZE IT DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING IT'S TOO LATE FOR YOU TO STOP READING IT YOU DUMB *beep*


tAlK nErDy tO mE..lol


Lawyer: What your doing is very illegal Ashton...
Ashton: CALL ME KOOCH!!


What is the thinnest book in the world?
"What Men Know About Women"

If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People.


Save The Tractor...Ride The Plowboy.


*Im a genuine, dixie fried, certified, full of pride, all the time, til I die, pure and bred redneck!*


Sean Jean Hat...$30$
Roca Wear hoodie...$80$
Fubu pants...$25$
Realizing you're white...priceless


iTs bEtTeR tOo LeT sOmEoNe
.t.H.i.N.k.
yOuR aN iDiOt
tHeN tO oPeN yOuR mOuTh
aNd .P.R.O.V.E. iT


*a friend will always be there
to bail u outta jail,
but a best friend will be
sittin in the cell next to ya
sayin "that was FUKIN AWESOME"*


A black man was talking to a white man and said:

"I'm black.

When I was born, I was black.
When I grew up, I was black.
When I'm sick, I'm black.
When I go in the sun, I'm black.
When I'm cold, I'm black.
When I die, I'll still be black.

But you:

When you were born, you were pink.
When you grew up, you were white.
When you're sick, you're green.
When you go in the sun, you're red.
When you're cold, you're blue.
When you die, you'll be purple.

And you have the nerve to call me colored?


A Poem For My Mullet
I may be all buisness up front
But I can still party in the back
Chicks really dig a guy
That can let it all down like that
I can look respectable
For the family or the job
Then whip out the shorty longback (aka *beep* or Sho-Lo)
And party all night long!


Signing autographs for my fans...Be back in a minute.


Your mamas so fat that she takes up this whole away message..oOo SIZZLE


i look fruity in my pink tee
weird in my pink tee
people think that i go both ways in my pink tee
i look sweet in my pink tee
funny in my pink tee
got a purple thong to go along wit my pink tee
no draws wit my pink tee
look lame in my pink tee
fa'get a female, i get a man wit my pink tee


step on the scene looking lame inna all pink shirt,
why i got this pink on, when im black like dirt,
alla men flirt, i even got a pink hat,
girls wanna holla, but i dont want nunna that,
i want me a man with a pink shirt too,
so i kiss him on tha cheek and say thats my boo
how i wear a pink shirt and still feel like a man,


.:.iTzA gOoD lYf.:.
-sO Y yAlL .t.R.i.P.p.I.n.-
*~tHa GoOd LyFz .s.L.i.P.p.I.n. aWaY~*


Guys are like parking spaces,
all da good onez are taken,
and all the rest are handicap!


•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°
RoSes aRe ReD
VioLeTs aRe BLuE
WhO caRes?
So ArE CraYons.
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°


I'm taking a shower and you're not invited.


If Ashton Kutcher said breathing wasnt cool, 99.9 percent of tha female population would be dead!


you missed me...next time AIM better!


I am always confused when people ask me did you sleep good? I always wonder if they want me to say no...I made a few mistakes.


*Dont judge a guy by his BoXeRz, Its whats inside that countz!*


*Men are stupid- if you forget...they will remind you*


s.O.m.E.t.Y.m.Z yOo !gOtTa! SiT bAk n' *p*A*r*T*y*
wHeN .:LyF:. gEtS >tUfF< bReAk oUt t/H/a ~bAcArDii~


_How many *HoT* *RiCh* *FuNnY* *SwEeT* guys are out there?!...Two....but they're dating each other!_


remember when ollie ollie oxen free meant something? getting high meant swinging at the playground? the worst thing you could get from boys was cooties? mom was your hero and dad was the boy you were going to marry? your worst enemies were ur siblings? race issues were who ran the fastest? and war was a card game? life was simple and care free, but what i remember most was wanting to grow up.*


_yOo bEtTer bE sTrEeT
iF yOuR lOoKiN aT mE
i nEeD a sOlDiEr
aNd hE's gOtTa sTaNd uP fOr mE
gOtTa cArRy BiG tHiNgS
*iF yOo nO wUt i MeAn*_


there are 0nly tw0 abs0lute's in life
|[ f r 1 e n d s *&* a l c 0 h 0 l ]|
..and the best times usually inv0lve b0th


If Y@ th!nk !''m @ G00d Gurl,
Y@ ßetter th!nk tw!ce,
!''m hAlF the §ug@r &
Tw!ce the §p!ce


dO iT ToDaY...
iT mIte bE iLLegaL toMoRRoW


ChiLdReN iN thE daRK cauSe AcciDeNtS
AcciDeNtS iN thE daRK cauSe children


Strike One
Strike Two
Strike Three
I'm Out


Boys are cheats and Liars...
They're such a big disgrace..
They will tell you anything to get to second...
Base-ball Baseball He thinks he's gonna score...
If you let him go all the way then you are a...
Hor-ticulturist studies flowers...
Geologist study rocks...
All a guy really wants from you is a place to put his...
Cock-roaches, beetles, butterflies and bugs...
Nothing makes him happier than a giant pair of...
Jug-glers and acrobats and a dancing bear named chuck...
All a guy really wants to do is...
Forget it no such luck! -hot chick-


If you think N'Sync is where your dirty dishes are, you might be a redneck.?!


I've got a fever and the only prescription is...MORE COWBELL!


PRACTICE SAFE LUNCH...
use a condiment!


Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything. -Paris Hilton


"I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me... but I can't help it that I'm so popular."
-mean girls-


:+:No OnE:+: |.dies.| a *{viRgiN}*
((Life)) s c r e w s -[us]- aLL


people like ((-->you<--))
are the `-.reasons.-` we have
--|--middle fingers--|--


_hOw bOUt i sIt ON UR lAp n WE tALk bOUt tHe fiRst thIng tHAt pOPs UP?_


SuM gUyZ sAy [~SuKk oN iT~]
buT tHeN i SaY
{sOrRie i cHoKe oN smaLL 0bjEcTs}


((2)) words guys /hate/~ `don't` n `stop`
unless of course... you put em >together<


%n...You are SO vein, you probably think this away message is about you


It really isn't the s i z e of the magician; it's what he can do with the wand...


Confucius Say...

Man who stand on toilet high on pot.

Man who jump off cliff, jump to conclusion.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who put dick in Peanut Butter jar is *beep* Nuts.

Girl who marry Richard must kiss D i c k.

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Man who excels at putting worm on hook is Master Baiter.

War do not determine who right, war determine who left.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

those were hilarious!!!! i took some if its ok!!! thanks

haha loved them

haha those are so funny

those were really good thanks!!

heres one....


I'm staring out my window into your's...!

those are to0 cute!!

this made me crakk up::

*tHe OnLii tHiNg a GiRl sHoOd cHaSe
....iS a sHoT*

One of my favorites.

We're sorry, but you have reached an imaginary screen name. Please rotate your monitor 90 degrees to the north and try again.

All those are really funny.

yeah these are really funny, anyone have anymore?

does anyone have away messages like

Just tell Nemo you could find him because you were getting high, he'll undersatand... |N|E|M|O| MY anti drug

I need them!!!!!!!

I love this one:It goes in dry comes out wet. The longer its in the stronger it gets. We can have it in bed just you and me... Its not what you think its a cup of tea!
When you are frustrated, think about this:
You are a Siamese twin that is attached at the hip. Your twin is gay. You are not. Feel better now?

Gotta love them

Just tell you're milkshake you couldn't come to the yard because you were too busy getting stoned.. don't worry, he'll understand.

lol i love the PInk tee song by Cam'ron! i listened to thats n cracked up.. lol if u want another funny song, get "im a gangster" by josh Tobin. its funny lol.

those were really cute.. Does anyone have anymore?? If u do then please post them!! Thanks

HAHA!!!!! OMFG... Angel I downloaded "I'm A Gangster" it was so funny!!! thnxx...

"bark with me if your a dawg"..."don't play with me you playa haters" LOL

Did you here the one about the person who IM'ed someone and all he got was an away message?

Stalker!

I a m a l i t t l e s p a c e d o u t r i g h t n o w , b e b a c k w h e n I a m a l l t o g e t h e r.

Everywhere but here!

How are you reading this? I thought I blocked you!

I'm single-handily trying to free the world of hunger, starting with myself.

If you were homework...I'd be doing you on my desk right now!

A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why I'm not here.

Beleeve it or not i am aktually at klass tyring two git meself en edumacation... lev a msage?

I'm physically here but not mentally so leave a message!

I'm not here right now, if you'd like to reach me on my cell phone, buy me a cell phone.

I'm not here, I've gone out to look for myself. If I come back before I return, please tell me to wait


I am sleeping right now, so when I return from class I'll get back to you.

I am not here...what kind of loser is online at (time)

I'm not here. Cry me a river, build me a bridge, then do us all a favor and jump off of it!

How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

I'm hot, wet, and wishing you were here. Actually, I'm in the shower, but I'll be back later

Apparently my teachers are having a contest to see who can give out the most homework

those r great!!! n/e more?

ha i loved them all. the only one i know is.

save water....




shower with someone else.

those r sooooo incredibly cool....n e 1 have more???? pleazzz post em...thanx a bunch

i need sum good ones so plzzzzzz post more!!

Studying. Notice how they conveniently put "DYING" at the end of this word.

Now I sit me down to study; I pray to God I won't go nutty. If I should fail to learn this junk, I pray to God I will not flunk. But if I do, don't pity me at all, just lay my bones in the dormitory hall. Tell my prof I did my best, then pile my books upon my chest. Now I lay me down to rest, and pray I'll pass tomorrow's test. If I should die before I wake, that's one last test I'll have to take!

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my own dreams."

Beer makes people smarter. Think about it...it made Bud wiser.

just tell Nemo you couldn't find him 'cause you were out getting stoned.
He'll understand.
RESPONSIBILITY.
Your anti-drug.

No man is worth your tears and the only one who is will never make you cry.



hey sorry im not here but please leave you name a number where you hide your money and a brief message and ill get back to you later ... thanks bi!



I am being paid to be held hostage with a number a very short terrorists.

I can't talk to you right now because little people are currently tying me to a chair.

Just because I have a short attention span doesn't mean I

Excuse me, %n, next time raise your hand first if you expect to talk to me.

You know what's wrong with people like you %n? Nevermind, it's a long story, I'll be back later.

I was just looking through my buddy list and I found the screenname "%n". How stupid is THAT?!

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be misquoted and then later used against you. You have the right to consult another screenname from your buddy list before speaking to me. If your popularity does not afford you this opportunity, AIM's Smarterchild or another robotic, online buddy will be provided to you in a third-party chat room IM window at no cost. If you decide to speak to me now without a robotic, online buddy present, you will still have the right to stop blabbering on or complaining at any time to consult another buddy. Knowing and understanding your rights as I have explained them to you, are you still even considering IMing me?

I'm not here right now, so cry me a river, build me a bridge, and do us all a favor and jump off it.

I'm not ignoring you, I'm selectively bypassing you.
I see stupid people reading my away message...



Blasting my music to see if I can wake the neighbors up, if I don't come back soon, they probably called the cops on me.

Making the phone bill increase.

Shhh! I'm on the phone.

The screen name you are trying to reach is unavailable at this time. Please hang up and try again.

I'm on a shopping spree with my dad's credit cards.

I'm blowing my hard earned money at the moment. Well, it's not exactly my hard earned money, it's my parents.

I'm going to shop until I drop... or get kicked out of the mall.

I'm at a store buying things I cannot afford. If the creditors call, I'm not home. If you are a creditor, that was just code for: I'm hard at work making money to pay you back.

I'm surfing the web looking for something better to do to than talk to you.

Sorry, something more interesting than you is on television right now.

Shhhh... I'm watching a movie.


I'm so bored. Let me know if you want to join me.

Boredom is very boring.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

A day without sunshine is like... night.

I'm a girl and I bite so don't bother me.

I can't talk on the computer now, so if, well, actually, I CAN talk on the computer now, I mean, like, I'm at the computer NOW, writing this message, but I'm doing this NOW, while you're reading it LATER, except for you I guess it's NOW, like, when you're reading it... I mean, like, wait, gosh. This is so confusing.

The statement below is True.
The statement above is False.
Which statement is correct?

I am not here so leave a message. Well actually I could be here and I could just be ignoring you and you would never know. I could be sitting here laughing at you because I am avoiding you and you don't know it. Ok, I'll make a deal with you. If you can guess correctly whether or not I'm here I will talk to you. Then again, if I'm not here and you guess right then I'm really just not here to talk to you. Also, if I'm ignoring you and you guess right then what do you really think are the chances that I'll tell you that you were right? So, I guess what I'm saying is leave a message and I'll get back to you when I get back...unless I'm avoiding you.

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

When people say "Expect the unexpected," doesn't that mean the unexpected is expected?

I'm telling the truth, everything I say is a lie.

How do you know when you're out of invisible ink?

If psychics know the winning lottery numbers why are they still working?

I'm not here right now because I'm waiting for %n to get offline.




To steal ideas from one person, would be plagiarism, to steal ideas from many is called research.

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

I am studying, which is something that you should be doing.

My dog ate my away message.

What if the hokey pokey really IS what it's all about!? Will we all have to turn ourselves around?

I'm out trick-or-treating on the highway dressed as a deer.

My computer lost my away message.

There are plenty more fish in the sea, but who wants to go out with a fish?

Monstersitting... Sorry, I meant babysitting.

Someone once told me "Don't have kids" but what they should have told me was "Don't make friends who have kids."

I am talking on the phone, eating their food, and ignoring their kids and they pay me for it.

I am watching kids that I don't want to watch. AKA. Babysitting.

One by one the children are stealing my sanity

Watching kids for money.

I'm away from my computer and being terrorized by little kids, help me!

I'm watching some kids because their parents got tired of it.



I left. I don't know where I am. Do you know where I am? Do you know where you are? Are you lost? Did you find you? I found you. You're there at your computer. But I'm not here. So then I guess I'm over there some where.

Anything in parenthesis can (not) be ignored.

You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear

A heart is not a play thing.
A heart is not a toy
But if you want it broken
Just give it to a boy

Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright.

I'm doing my make-up, I'll be back in a few hours.

Boys are not pigs. Pigs are cute, considerate, and caring.

A wise man once said, "I don't know, go ask a woman!"

Mental anxiety, Mental breakdowns, Menstrual cramps, Menopause... Did you ever notice how all our problems begin with Men?

You must be bored to if you are reading people's away messages. I must be bored if I am telling you how bored you are.

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but %n abuses the privilege.

Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday.





If McDonalds loves to c u smile why do they always mess up ur order??

Everytime I went to a wedding my aunts and grandmas would oinch there cheeks together and would say: "that will be you up there some day" Then one day we went to a funeral and I pinched their cheeks and I said: "That will be YOU up there some day."

When a guy sweeps you off your feet, he is in perfect position to drop you on your ass!!

Hey, %n, can you do me a favor?
O.K. Follow these steps:
1. Look at your buddy list
2. Look at my screen name on your buddy list
Tell me, do you see the little yellow notepad by my name?

get a penny pick it up all day long you have...A PENNY

God made guys so girls can flirt




~*#i hate you#*~
*#~you hate me~#*
#~*lets get together*~#
~*# and kill barney#*~
*#~with a chitty chitty bang bang~#*
#~*banreys on the floor*~#
~*#no more purple dinosaur*~#

those were really good!!!post more pllz

here are a few...hope they werent already posted...


I am always confused when people ask me did you sleep good?
i always wonder if they want me to say no,
I made a few mistakes


what happens if you get scared to half to death twice?


last night i was looking at the stars and wondering....where the heck is my celing?


I'm at the store buying things i cannot afford. If the creditors call, I'm not home. If you are a creditor, that was just code for: i'm hard at work making money to pay you bac.

One, you're like a dream come true
Two, jus wanna be with you
Three, boy it's plain to see that you're the only one for me
Four, repeat steps one to three
Five, make you fall in love with me

One, you're like a dream come true
Two, jus wanna be with you
Three, boy it's plain to see that you're the only one for me
Four, repeat steps one to three
Five, make you fall in love with me

Booty Shaking,
Heart Breaking,
Mad Hott,
Never Stop,
Short Skirt,
Love to Flirt,
Tight Jeans,
Very Mean,
High Class,
Nice Ass,
Shakin Thys,
Candy Eyes,
Lucious Lips,
Killer Kiss,
Tell me can you handle this?
So with an X & O I'm out like Whoa~

Flip Flops..belly tops..lemonade in the shade..blue skies..hot guys.. late nights.. water fights..ice cream..sweet dreams..party time..looking fine..sleeping in..sneaking out..thats what girls in class of 09' is about!!!!

ahaha ohhh man those were great , i used a couple -hope ya didnt mind!

I am not available because I am watching a P0Rnoographic film that takes up the whole screen.

I am not available because I am playing a
computer game that takes up the whole screen.
Leave a message and I'll respond as soon as
I can't win the game anymore.

computer- $899
internet provider- $19.95 a month
messenger service -free
an away message from me - Priceless

You have just recieved the Amish Computer Virus.
Since the Amish don't have computers and probly
dont have computer viruses, it is based on the honor system.
So please delete all the files from your computer.
Thank you for you cooperation.

Hi, I'm (your name)'s away message.
The microwave and the answering machine are
playing games in the other room, and I feel left out.
Will you talk to me untill (your name) gets back?

That's some line of crap

My funny ones are:

1.When you are sad I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against who made you sad
2.When you are blue I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you
3.When you smile I will know you finally got laid
4.When you are scared I will rag on you about it every chance I get
5.When you are worried I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
6.When you are confused I will use little words
7.When you are sick Stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have
8.When you fall I will point and laugh at you
This is my oath I pledge it till the end. Remember a good friend will help you move.A really good friend will help you move a body.Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel

-To Barbie, Ally, Sash, Ricky and Beau... Love ya guys! Thnx for everything ur my best friends



Kayla is not available at this time. She is currently locked away in a room with soft cushy walls. Most likely she is sitting in a corner of that room drooling and staring into space... Those nice men...they called themselves doctors...made her feel safe, and gave her some happy drugs... they come by once in a while to make sure she hasnt injured herself and to inject more of the happy drug in her arm... Leave a message and when the drugs wear off and the nice men let her come out to play again she'll get back to you! :-D



Yeah im lame i only have 2

These are cute even though I never use those kind of away messages. Mine usually say -ASDLKDJFLKSJF.L;... or some random lyrics.

i have 1 of those lAlWlAlYl lMlElSlSlAlGlElZl lol here it iz

AWAY MESSAGES

i only got a couple.

1. This computer is away from me

2. Im Naked, hott, and wet... Some people call this a shower!

this is a wierd 1:

There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.

Which of the three are you?

Mine are pretty gay...but ill tell you anywayz...

The worst is over you can have the best of me
(555-5555)



I love my suck at life best friend () who has a boyfriend with a little weenie...yea i have to love it :/


cleaning

CALL IT!!

insert- number


Dont believe the science fiction...




Id rather die than have to see your smile
nsert* number


Hanging out w/ the boy who *beep* up my whole life...

leave me something to get home to



yea they suck...alot are random things n lyrics n such

Hello, I am not here right now, but if you would like to talk to me then please press 1 on your keyboard. If you would like to talk to my cat then please press 2 on your keyboard. If you would like to reach my ex, then please press 3 on your keyboard. Pressing these buttons will not actually do anything, I just like to make it sound like I have a fancy message system.

cute got any more

this was on my friend's away message the other day:

im out like your grandmother's dentures before a BJ!

i think its hilarious lol..cept the fact his grandmother died wednesday

LMAO!

If Abercrombie decided it was "uncool" to breathe, half of the nation's teenage population would suffocate within 24 hours... even if you had to pay $99.99 to do it

Boys are cheats and Liars...
They're such a big disgrace..
They will tell you anything to get to second...
Base-ball Baseball He thinks he's gonna score...
If you let him go all the way then you are a...
Hor-ticulturist studies flowers...
Geologist study rocks...
All a guy really wants from you is a place to put his...
Cock-roaches, beetles, butterflies and bugs...
Nothing makes him happier than a giant pair of...
Jug-glers and acrobats and a dancing bear named chuck...
All a guy really wants to do is...
Forget it no such luck! -hot chick-

Just tell Nemo you could find him because you were getting high, he'll undersatand...

Im not addicted...I'm just affraid of that voice that says "goodbye"

I am always confused when people ask me did you sleep good?
i always wonder if they want me to say no,
I made a few mistakes


what happens if you get scared to half to death twice?

what starts with f and ends with uck, i know what ur thinking ur probley wrong, most peple r its fire truck!! now what were u thinking?

HAHA! Those are great~ I laughed a lot! Anyone else?

^ i love that one, and the other ones u had are SO funny

What my avatar says.

"He said, 'I don't see why you wear a bra, you don't have anything to put in it.' I said, 'You wear pants, don't you?' "

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! good one

that was cute got any more?

these are really good keep posting

here are some:

I hate you
You hate me
Let's chase Barney up a tree
With a knife through his heart
And a dart through his head
Now that purple freak is dead.

#2, #2 creators made a #2
He will die like the other
Now he's dead just like his brother.

#3, #3 creator's made a #3
We took him away for a while
Then we fed him to a crocodile.

#4, #4 creators made a #4
He is the last of the troop
Now he's dead just like the group.


I love life
Life loves me
I'm as happy as can be
No one happier than me exstits(sp?)
Excuse me while I go slit my wrists.


Some say that the glass is half full
Some say that the glass is half empty
I say are you going to drink that?


Heaven doesn't want me
And Hell is afraid to have me.


Don't hate because I am beautiful
Hate me because your boyfriend thinks I am


Who do you think you are?

That is all I got. <3 FoxyChica123