any Casper the movie quotes...I'm like obessed with that movie after it being out for maybe 10 years haha...

does anyone have any quotes from tonights one tree hill


-thanks

"Mother! Look! I've got it! Look, Mother, look! The last Golden Ticket! It's mine! I found some money in the street and I bought two bars of chocolate and the second one had the Golden Ticket and there were crowds of people all around me wanting to see it and the shopkeeper rescued me and I ran all the way home and here I am! IT'S THE FIFTH GOLDEN TICKET, MOTHER, AND I'VE FOUND IT!"
Charlie Bucket

charlie and the chocolate factory!!!

ONE TREE HILL

"When I fell to the floor tonight, I was so scared, I was so terrified. Then I saw you, and I promised myself that if I could just get up, I'd walk over to you... I'd tell you how much I need you and how much I want you... and how nothing else matters." - Nathan Scott

Hey. So I saw Nathan in the shower... yeah, no wonder you broke up with him." - Lucas talking to Peyton

Peyton: [to Lucas] I want to draw something that means something to someone. Like when you go see a really great band live for the first time and no one is saying it but everyone's thinking it... I want to draw that feeling, but I can't

[Haley and Nathan are having dinner]
Nathan: So you couldn't have ordered a lobster?
Haley : Dude, macaroni and cheese is food of the Gods.
Nathan : Yeah if the Gods are five-year-olds.

Lucas: [voice-over] As happens sometimes a moment settled and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped for much, much more than a moment. And then the moment was gone.

Brooke: Here's my philosophy on dating. It's important to have somebody that can make you laugh, somebody you can trust, somebody that, y'know, turns you on... And it's really, really important that these three people don't know each other

Lucas Scott: Kahlil Gibran once wrote: "Your reason and your passion are your rudder and sails of your seafaring soul. If either be broken, you could but toss and drift or else be held at a standstill amid seas. For reason, running alone, is a force confining. And passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction."



Lucas Scott: Remember tonight, for it is the beginning of always. A promise. Like a reward for persisting through life so long alone. A belief in each other and the possibility of love. A decision to ignore, simply rise above the pain of the past. A covenant, which at once binds two souls and yet severs prior ties. A celebration of the chance taken and the challenge that lies ahead. For two will always be stronger than one, like a team braced against the tempest civil world. And love will always be the guiding force in our lives. For tonight is mere formality. Only an announcement to the world of feelings long held. Promises made long ago. In the sacred spaces of our hearts.


Lucas 'Luke' Scott: I did something tonight, and I can't take it back

any Casper the movie quotes...I'm like obessed with that movie after it being out for maybe 10 years haha...

Casper Quotes for you Shaye

Kat: Drop dead.
Stretch: Too Late

Casper sitting on his old sled, takes his baseball cap off]
Casper: I begged and begged my dad to give me this sled, but, be acted like I couldn't even have it, because I didn't know how to ride. But then one morning, I came down for breakfast and there it was! Just for me, for no reason at all. I took it out... went sledding all day... my dad said "That's enough" but I couldn't stop I was having so much fun... it got late... got dark... got cold... and I got sick... my dad got sad...
Kat: What's it like to die?
Casper: Like... being born, only backwards... I remember, I didn't go where I was supposed to go... I just stayed behind, so my dad wouldn't be lonely

Kat: Sometimes I worry that I'm starting to forget.
Casper: Forget what?
Kat: My mom. Just certain things. The sound of her making breakfast downstairs. The way she'd put on her lipstick, so carefully. I do remember... she always used Ivory soap, and when she'd hug me, I'd breathe her in, so deep. And I remember before I'd go to sleep she'd whisper in my ear, "Stars in the eyes, rosy cheeks, and a happy girl in the morning."... Casper?
Casper: Hmm?
Kat: If my mom's a ghost, did she forget about me?
Casper: No. She'd never forget you

Amelia: James, I know you have been searching for me, but there's something you must understand. You and Kat loved me so well when I was alive that I have no unfinished business, please don't let me be yours.

Casper: Come with me if you want to live.


Casper: Kat? if I were alive, would you go to the Halloween dance with me?
Kat: Mm hmm.
Casper: Kat?
[whispers]
Casper: Can I keep you?

Alot Like Love Quotes

Emily: Honestly, if you're not willing to sound stupid you don't deserve to be in love.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oliver: I know I'm probably six years to late... but will you give me strike one back?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Graham: You should get one.
Oliver: That was the plan, but I'm unemployed, and living with mom and dad.
Graham : Oliver, this is your life. It doesn't wait for you to get back on your feet.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oliver: The thing is, how can I be there for her if I don't even have my thing figured out? You know?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ellen: God, Oliver! You are such a dick! C'mon, let's just start without him


Millor Dollar Baby quotes

Eddie Scrap-Iron Dupris: If there's magic in boxing, it?s the magic of fighting battles beyond endurance, beyond cracked ribs, ruptured kidneys and detached retinas. It's the magic of risking everything for a dream that nobody sees but you.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eddie Scrap-Iron Dupris: To make a fighter you gotta strip them down to bare wood: you can't just tell 'em to forget everything you know if you gotta make 'em forget even their bones... make 'em so tired they only listen to you, only hear your voice, only do what you say and nothing else... show 'em how to keep their balance and take it away from the other guy... how to generate momentum off their right toe and how to flex your knees when you fire a jab... how to fly back and up so that the other guy doesn't want to come after you. Then you gotta show 'em all over again. Over and over and over... till they think they're born that way.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eddie Scrap-Iron Dupris: All fighters are pig-headed some way or another: some part of them always thinks they know better than you about something. Truth is: even if they're wrong, even if that one thing is going to be the ruin of them, if you can beat that last bad out of them... they ain't fighters at all.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Father Horvak: Frankie, I've seen you at Mass almost every day for 23 years. The only person comes to church that much is the kind who can't forgive himself for something.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maggie Fitzgerald: I'm 32, Mr. Dunn, and I'm here celebrating the fact that I spent another year scraping dishes and waitressing which is what I've been doing since 13, and according to you I'll be 37 before I can even throw a decent punch, which I have to admit, after working on this speed bag for a month may be the God's simple truth. Other truth is, my brother's in prison, my sister cheats on welfare by pretending one of her babies is still alive, my daddy's dead, and my momma weighs 312lbs. If I was thinking straight I'd go back home, find a used trailer, buy a deep fryer and some oreos. Problem is, this the only thing I ever felt good doing. If I'm too old for this then I got nothing. That enough truth to suit you?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Danger Barch: [referring to the water bottle] I feel really stupid asking this, but how do you get all that ice into that little hole? -LMAO!!

Mulan (1) Quotes:

"DOWN, bessie."- mushu *to horse*

"C'mon people, people look alive lets go! You're all way past the beauty sleep thing trust me!"
-Mushu
"I never want to see a naked man again." (a whole bunch of naked men run by)
-Mulan
"Play nice with the other kids...unless one of the other kids wanna fight; then you have to kick the other kids' butt."
-Mushu
"Get outta there, you gonna make people sick!"
-Mushu
"Oooh! Sign me up for the next war!"
-Granny Fa
"Did you see those Huns?? They popped out of the snow! Like daisies!"
-Mushu
"I know we were jerks to you before so, lets start over.....Hiiiii, I'm Ling!"
-Ling
"I'll get that arrow, pretty boy..And I'll do it with my shirt on"
-Yao
"You men owe me a new pair of slippers! And I do not squeal like a girl. AHHHHHHHHHHJH"
-Chee Fu
"Uhh, Sorry you had to see that, but you know how it is when you get those manly urges, and you have to KILL something."
-Mulan

Here it is...Sorry it took my so long.


....It happened just how I always imagined it would. SO why do I feel this way, Lena? How can something that is supposed to make you feel so complete end up leaving you so empty? I just...I wish so much I could talk to my mom. I need her. And that scares me. I wish I could talk to you, Lena. I wish I could disappear, just float away to some place where nothing hurts anymore.
Bridget

Monday nights Laguna beach anyone?? I have one...

"Boys are like purses...you'll always have that one boy that you're always comfortable with and you'll always kind of like. That's your purse you'll always wear. Then you have that gorgeous bag you want everyone to see you with,then theres that purse you really like, but you don't really want to be seen with..."
-LC, Laguna Beach

Sometimes people play hard to get because they want to make sure the other person's feelings are real....


Brook, from One Tree Hill


(is that right?)

Carrigan Crittenden: DIBS! Get this thing working, you flaccid, little worm you!
Dibs: Ah, Carrigan! How kind of you to drop in! You know, if there's one thing, I've learned from you, it's 'Always kick 'em when they're down', and baby, you're sixfeet under; oh, what a shame!
[Grabs vial]
Dibs: Sorry, honey; we're through!
Carrigan Crittenden: I'm never gonna forgive you for this, you ungrateful, lousy little worm you!
Dibs: Oh-ho, you can haunt me all you want, but it's gonna be in a great, big expensive house, with lovely, purple wallpaper, and great, big, green carpets, and a little dog, called 'Carrigan', a *beep*, just like you! I have the power! I have the treasure!
Carrigan Crittenden: And you have a flight to catch!
Dibs: What?
[Carrigan flings Dibs out the window]
Carrigan Crittenden: Any other takers?
Casper: No... but aren't you forgetting something?
Carrigan Crittenden: What?
Casper: Your unfinished business.
Carrigan Crittenden: My what?
Kat: You know, unfinished business. All ghosts have unfinished business. That's why they don't cross over.
Carrigan Crittenden: Unfinished business? I don't have UNfinished business. I have MY treasure. MY mansion. I have EVERYTHING. I'm... just... perfect! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-
[Begins to cross over]
Carrigan Crittenden: AAH! Wait-I lied! I DO have unfinished business-PLENTY of unfinished business! I-I'm not ready to cross over yet! Wait! You tricked me, you rotten little rats! NOOOOOOOOO!
[Crosses over]

Carrigan Crittenden: The *beep* is back!

Casper: There's a girl, in my bed, YES.

Dibs: If there's one thing that I've learned from you, it's "always kick 'em when they're down". And baby, you're six feet under. Oh, what a shame.

Kat: In two years I have been to nine different schools, eaten in nine cafeterias. I can't even remember anyone's name.
Dr. Harvey: Honey, I think it's time that we sat down and had a little talk.
Kat: It's a little late for that, Dad.
Dr. Harvey: How late?
Kat: Oh, don't worry, not that late.

Casper: God, I'd kill for a pinky.

Three ghosts: It's my party and I'll die if I want do, die if I want to. You will die too, when it happens to you.

Casper: I told you I was a good dancer. Can I keep you?
Kat: Casper?

Dr. Raymond Stantz (from the GhostBusters): Who you gonna call?... Someone else.

Kat: Drop dead.
Stretch: Too Late.

[Casper sitting on his old sled, takes his baseball cap off]
Casper: I begged and begged my dad to give me this sled, but, be acted like I couldn't even have it, because I didn't know how to ride. But then one morning, I came down for breakfast and there it was! Just for me, for no reason at all. I took it out... went sledding all day... my dad said "That's enough" but I couldn't stop I was having so much fun... it got late... got dark... got cold... and I got sick... my dad got sad...
Kat: What's it like to die?
Casper: Like... being born, only backwards... I remember, I didn't go where I was supposed to go... I just stayed behind, so my dad wouldn't be lonely

Kat: Sometimes I worry that I'm starting to forget.
Casper: Forget what?
Kat: My mom. Just certain things. The sound of her making breakfast downstairs. The way she'd put on her lipstick, so carefully. I do remember... she always used Ivory soap, and when she'd hug me, I'd breathe her in, so deep. And I remember before I'd go to sleep she'd whisper in my ear, "Stars in the eyes, rosy cheeks, and a happy girl in the morning."... Casper?
Casper: Hmm?
Kat: If my mom's a ghost, did she forget about me?
Casper: No. She'd never forget you.

Amelia: For what you've done, I'm giving you your dream in return. But it's only for tonight. Sort of a Cinderella deal.
Casper: So I have until midnight?
Amelia: Ten.
Casper: Hey, Cinderella had until midnight.
Amelia: Cinderella wasn't twelve years old.

Casper: All I want's a friend.

Kat: You guys are disgusting, obnoxious creeps.
Stretch, Fatso, Stinkie: Thank you.

[after seeing a ghost]
Kat: Dad, I'm sorry.
Dr. Harvey: For what?
Kat: For not believing you, for thinking you were a total loser.
Dr. Harvey: Aww honey... apologize later!

Amelia: James, I know you have been searching for me, but there's something you must understand. You and Kat loved me so well when I was alive that I have no unfinished business, please don't let me be yours.

[Dr Harvey has died and come back as a ghost]
Dr. Harvey: Look at me! I've never felt so great in my life, I can fly!
[He crashes into the floor]
Fatso: Rookie!

Kat: I can see right through you.
Casper: Yeah, kind of happens when you haven't got any skin.

Three Ghosts: [brandishing swords] All for one and one for all!
Stretch: Catch your pants before they fall!

Casper: Kat? if I were alive, would you go to the Halloween dance with me?
Kat: Mm hmm.
Casper: Kat?
[whispers]
Casper: Can I keep you?

Does anybody have quotes from:
-The OC
-One Tree Hill
-Sweet Home Alabama
-The Notebook

It'd help a bunch Thanks!

I'd really love Sisterhood of traveling pants quotes?

does anyone have any websites for one tree hill quotes?

laguna quotes?

any Lion King quotes??? please... thanks in advance

I didn't mean to hurt you-lucas
Yeah well it all hurts just the same-Brooke

I saw nathan in the shower no wonder you broke up with him

ONE TREE HILL


jacks

Does anyone have any Gilmore Girls quotes?

-laguna please .. the one about real friends

<3 thx a bunch

heyy people....does any one have any quotes from the moviee The Perfect Man? i love that moviee

Dimmitt

OC quotes-->http://www.ocfiles.com/quotes/
theres a ton there and they are sorted out by character and episodes so yeahh

One Tree Hill-->http://wgntv.trb.com/entertainment/wbnetwork/stv-onetreehill-pkgquotes,0,2954391.special?coll=wgntv-default-nav
those ones are sorted out by character and type

Uhh. Kay. Iunno if these have been posted.. Bear with me.

"Lets play truth or dare, or just dare, because it seems nobody ever really tells the truth anymore."

*From Chasing Liberty*
Ben: Will they try to shoot me if I kiss you?
Anna: No, but I will if you don't.

*Dawson: Hey, once upon a time, you yourself told me that some love stories never end. What happened to that girl?
*Joey: She offered herself to the boy she loved. The boy she thought loved her back. And he rejected her.

i think all of us want to feel something that we've forgotten or turned our backs on, because maybe we didnt realize how much we were leaving behind, we need to remember what used to be good, if we dont, we wont recognize it even if it hits us between the eyes -13 going on 30

Me, I'm dishonest, and with a dishonest man you can always trust him to be dishonest. Honestly, it's the honest ones you have to watch out for because you never know when he's going to turn around and do something incredibly stupid!!!- Pirates of the Caribbean

it`s just something that happens..
as you grow up you realize it`s less
important to have more friiends &
' iit`s more important to have // real
ones \ - (("*..» LaGuNa bEaCh


hope it helped )

ANY QUOTES FROM THE MOVIE....SAVE THE LAST DANCE PLEASE!?! ...I <3 THAT MOVIE!!!

Here are some. Can anyone find me some good Jess quotes from gilmore girls?

The perfect man
Jean Hamilton: Fantastic.
Holly Hamilton: Pathetic. Ecstatic.
Jean Hamilton: Thank you.
Holly Hamilton: Sarcastic.
Jean Hamilton: Psycotic.
Holly Hamilton: It's genetic.


save the last dance

[after Sara and Nikki's fight]
Nikki: It ain't over, bitch.
Sara: I don't even know why it started, bitch.

Chenille: You can't help who you love, Derek, you're not supposed to.


Sara: We spend more time defending our relationship than actually having one


Kenny: Don't blame me, I didn't want any of this!
Chenille: What? 'Cause I did? I climbed on top of myself and got myself pregnant?

Heres some Jess ones from Gilmore Girls-

(on the bridge over the lake)
JESS: I like this place
RORY: Wow a place in Stars Hollow you actually like. I'm stunned
JESS: It's got some good memories. You see right over there?
RORY: Yup
JESS: Thats where Luke pushed me in

JESS: [looking at Rory's bookshelf] Wow arent we hooked on phonics

JIMMY: Are you listening to me? I have nothing to offer you!
JESS: You have nothing? I have nothing!! I cant stay at Luke's. I can't stay at Stars Hollow. My mother's a whack job. I mean, you're telling me you're this loser and, what, you don't want to take me off the terrific path I'm headed down right now? I'm not graduating high school! I don't know what I'm going to do the rest of my life, but something tells me, I better find out soon, or I'm going to be that guy out there on the boardwalk selling the hemp hats.

Luke: He's a grown man with an etch-a-sketch!
Jess: Then shake him real hard maybe he'll disappear


Dean: Rory get your sandwich and lets go.
Jess: That was good. Now say go in there and make me my dinner

Jess: Don't say no to make me stop talking or to make me go away. Only say no if you really don't wanna be with me.

^That one is my favorite. It's when Jess goes to Harvard to see Rory and shes there with Dean.

thank u so much GirlyGIrl2damax...

does n e one have n e more?

Save the Last Dance Quotess-

Sara: You know Snook, you talk a lot of *beep* for someone who never says anything.

Kenny: How you doin'?
Chenille: Why don't you ask how your son is doing? That's a line you haven't tried in a while.
Kenny: Why you always gotta jump off on me like that?
Chenille: Why you gotta be like you are?
Kenny: Ah, come on, you know you wanna dance with me. That's what you came here for, to yell at me, and to dance with me.

Sara: You know what? Derek and I like each other and if you have a problem with that, then screw you.

Chenille: And this is Diggy. She thinks she's down.
Diggy: Excuse me? I am down, okay?

Derek: "Stepps" ain't no square dance.
Sara: That's ok, I'll dance in circles, probably around you.

Sara: There's only one world, Chenille.
Chenille: That's what they teach you. We know different.

Chenille: They call him Snooky because Fool was taken.

Snookie: They call me Snook, the coochie crook.

Chenille: You need to take off that 5th grade dance lookin' top.
Sara: Its from The Gap!
Chenille: Its country and you look country in it!

Chenille: Quit it Nikki.
Nikki: Excuse me, I ain't walkin on egg shells just cause you brought the Brady Bunch to the negro club.

Derek: Come on, act like you a nasty bi.tch.

Sara: Ass.hole.
Chenille: Who? Because in this crowd you're going to have to be a bit more specific.

Derek: Yeah but six months here gotta be better than six up the juvie.
Malakai: Yeah, they got girls in here.

Derek: Do you get along with your dad? You tight and *beep*?
Sara: Yeah, we're "tight and *beep*"; our DNA matches.

Sara: Then you must be in the wrong spot because I'm pretty sure there aren't any Negroes here.
Chenille: Ooh!

Snookie: I'm free Saturday night.
Chenille: Why, is your hand busy?

hope those help!

thank you! but does n e one have the quotes were chanille says something like...u can't help who you love and that whole convo between her and her brother?

Thank you so much! Does anyone have anymore?

Does anyone have any quotes from A Walk To Remember or Thirteen?

here are some for a walk to remember and thirteen



Memorable Quotes from
A Walk to Remember (2002)
Dean: If there is a greater power, why is it he can't get you a new sweater?
Jamie: Because, he's too busy looking for your brain.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jamie: You know what I figured out today?
Landon: What?
Jamie: Maybe God has a bigger plan for me than I had for myself. Like this journey never ends. Like you were sent to me because I'm sick. To help me through all this. You're my angel.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Landon: I might kiss you.
Jamie: I might be bad at it.
Landon: That's not possible.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Landon: Right now, you're straddling the state line.
Jamie: OK...
Landon: You're in two places at once.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jamie: You have to promise you won't fall in love with me.
Landon: That's not a problem.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jamie: Are you trying to seduce me?
Landon: Why? Are you seducible?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jamie: Please don't pretend like you know me, ok?
Landon: But I do, I do. We've had all the same classes in the same school since kindergarten. Why you're Jamie Sullivan. You sit at lunch table 7. Which isn't exactly the reject table, but is definitely in self exile territory. You have exactly one sweater. You like to look at your feet when you walk. Oh, oh, and yeah, for fun, you like to tutor on weekends and hang out with the cool kids from "Stars and Planets." Now how does that sound?
Jamie: Thoroughly predictable, nothing I haven't heard before.
Landon: You don't care what people think about you?
Jamie: No.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Landon: All I know is... you're beautiful.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jamie: How can you see places like this... and have moments like this and not believe?
Landon: You're lucky to be so sure.
Jamie: It's like the wind. I can't... see it, but I feel it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Landon: You, uh, feelin', Christian?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Carter: Landon, don't walk away.
Landon: You taught me how.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Landon: Are you scared?
Jamie: To death...
[Landon looks upset]
Jamie: Lighten up.
Landon: It's not funny.
Jamie: I'm scared of not being with you.
Landon: Oh baby, that will never happen... I'll be here.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Landon: I'm sorry she never got her miracle.
Reverend Sullivan: She did. It was you.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jamie: OK, so you don't care about classes or graduating, but you like school because you're popular and you'll never be on top again.
Landon: That's thoroughly predictable.
Jamie: Your act only works on an audience.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jamie: Without suffering there would be no compassion.
Landon: Yeah, well tell that to those who suffer.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jamie: So, would it kill you to try?
Landon: Yup, and I'm too young to die.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jamie: Make yourself at home.
Landon: Yeah!
[whisper]
Landon: It's not likely.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jamie: People can see.
Landon: And that would ruin your reputation how?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Landon: Listen, Jamie, I was hoping we could run lines together?
Jamie: Okay, but just not so anybody knows, right?
Landon: Well I just figured we could surprise everyone with how good I get.
Jamie: Like we could be secret friends.
Landon: Exactly, exactly it's like you're reading my mind.
Jamie: Great umm... maybe you could read mine.
[she gives him a cold glare and turns away]
Landon: Jamie, Jamie I can't just be your friend.
Jamie: Landon, look, I thought I saw something in you, something good, but I was very wrong.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Landon: Jamie, I'm trying here, OK? Maybe... maybe I miss spending time with you. Maybe you inspire me.
Jamie: Sounds like bull.
Landon: Which part?
Jamie: All of it.
Landon: Well it's not!
Jamie: Prove it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jamie: You don't know the first thing about being someone's friend.
Landon: I don't want to just be your friend.
Jamie: You don't know what you want.
Landon: Neither do you. Maybe you're just too scared that someone might actually want to be with you.
Jamie: And why would that scare me?
Landon: Because then you wouldn't be able to hide behind your books, or your frickin' telescope, or your faith. No, no, you know the real reason why you're scared? It's cause you wanna be with me too.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Landon: Can you find this star, right here?
Jamie: Sure. So why am I looking for this star?
Landon: Because I had it named for you. See? It's official. It's from the International Star Registry.
Jamie: This is wonderful... I love you.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Landon: Hey. How are you feeling?
Jamie: I'm ok, how are you?
Landon: Pretty good.
Jamie: I have something for you.
Landon: You do?
Jamie: Uh hmm... Don't worry it's not a bible. It was my mother's. It's got quotes from all her favorite books, and quotes by famous people. Her thoughts. Come on.
Landon: Okay, let's check it out. Okay..."What is a friend? It's a single soul dwelling in two bodies." -Aristotle.
Jamie: Uh uh, right here.
Landon: Okay. "Find out who you are, and do it on purpose." That's Dolly Parton.
Jamie: I always thought she was smart.
Landon: "Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Landon: Jamie... I love you.
[long pause]
Landon: Now would be the time to say something.
Jamie: I told you not to fall in love with me.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: Hey man, tell them maybe do, like, West Side Story, you know, get that nice big booty lookin' girl from Selena, ya know, "Maria, Maria!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[last lines]
Landon: [voiceover] Jamie saved my life. She taught me everything. About life, hope and the long journey ahead. I'll always miss her. But our love is like the wind. I can't see it, but I can feel it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Landon: Do you love me?
[she nods]
Landon: Will you do something for me, then?
Jamie: [smiles] Anything.
Landon: Will you marry me?
[Jamie smiles and kisses him]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: [reading lines passionately for Landon] Nothing's coincidence, baby. You know you're the only one who can make me sing.
[jokingly pretending to hump Mrs. Garber]
Eric: Oh yeah Miss Garber, oh, you gonna put Eric in all your plays!
[as Miss Garber]
Eric: Oh Eric, I'm gonna put you in all my plays!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jamie: What do you want Carter? I've known you for years and you've never been the first one to come up and say "hello."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jamie: I'm sick.
Landon: I'll take you home. You'll be be...
Jamie: No. Landon! I'm sick. I have Leukemia.
Landon: No. You're 18. You - you're perfect.
Jamie: No. I found out two years ago and I've stopped responding to treatments.
Landon: So why didn't you tell me?
Jamie: The doctor said I should go on and live life normally as best I could. I - I didn't want anybody to be weird around me.
Landon: Including me?
Jamie: Especially you!
[Jamie looks down]
Jamie: [Landon gets upset]
Jamie: Ya know, I was getting along with everything fine. I accepted it, and then you happened! I do not need a reason to be angry with God.
[Jamie runs away]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[at the hospital]
Reverend Sullivan: Do you remember when you were about five or six and you said you hated gravity? And you wanted to jump off the roof and fly?
Jamie: I was so angry at you for making me come down.
Reverend Sullivan: Honey, if I kept you too close it's because I wanted to keep you longer. You know, when I lost your mother, I was afraid that my heart would never open again. Jamie, I couldn't look at you for days.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Clay Gephardt: You know what? I actually thought I wanted to be your friend. And now I have no idea why. No idea.
Landon: I made that jump once. Thought I was a bad ass. I remember actually saying that I meant to belly-flop.
Clay Gephardt: Did it hurt?
Landon: Like hell.
Clay Gephardt: Good.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: Talk to me man.
Landon: About what?
Eric: About you, about Jamie.
Landon: What's there to talk about? She's the best person I've ever known.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Landon: What'd you tell your father?
Jamie: The truth. I just left you out of it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[first lines]
Dean: Is he here yet?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: It's all good cause were gonna get club Landon and Club Eric jumping up in here. Oh, what do we got here ?
[Erics turns the CD player on]
Eric: Whoa, okay, okay, so your not really feeling my hip-hop, but what the hell is this?
Landon: Jamie lent it to me.
Eric: Now she's got you listening to her people music?
Landon: Okay... her people?
Eric: Yeah. Her… uh, bible-hugging, crucifix-wearing, honk-if-you-love-Jesus-people.
Landon: She's not like that.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Landon: Saturday. No school.





thirteen



Memorable Quotes from
Thirteen (2003)
Tracy: If everyone in the world married someone of a different race, after one generation, there would be no prejudice.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Melanie: I love you and your brother more than anything in the world. I would die for you, but I won't leave you alone right now.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Melanie: How do you explain $860 in your wallet?
Tracy: We jacked it, okay? God, Mom, you knew what was going on with all those clothes and *beep*. Not even you're that dumb...
Melanie: [shouts] I didn't know it went that far.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tracy: Um, since when does Medina have a ghetto booty?
Evie: Oh, I think she stuffs.
Astrid: That *beep* ain't got *beep* on THESE double-cheesburgers.
[She shakes her butt]
Medina: Shake it, don't break it, *beep*.
Astird: *beep* her.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[the girls walk out in two matching cut-up halter tops]
Tracy: Well, what do you think? Are we hot or what?
Mel: That WAS your brother's favorite t-shirt.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[as underage Evie tries to seduce him]
Luke: No. Bad. Danger, Will Robinson, danger.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Melanie: Goddamn dollar-fifty-a-square-foot floor!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tracy: No bra, no panties! No bra, no panties! No bra, no panties!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tracy: Would you like me to model my new thong? Great for pooping on the go!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[after dying Cynthia's hair]
Melanie: If this gets you laid, you owe me double.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Tracy is on the phone in a tattoo shop]
Tracy: Hey Mom, do you know what point-slope form is? No, me neither. See? That's why I need to be here... at the library.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tracy: Hey Mason, who would you say is the hottest girl in school?
Mason: Evie Zamora.
Tracy: Guess who I hung out with today.
Mason: Bull.
Tracy: Melrose Avenue. (Mason looks at her in awe) What? Like that's so hard to believe...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[singing]
Evie: The itsy-bitsy spider dropped acid at the park...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[outside Mason's open window]
Tracy: [talking to dog in baby voice] Oh Hampton, he's my baby, yes...
Evie: [walks in front of Mason's window] Hey Mason!
[pulls thong up over shorts while shaking her butt]
Evie: move ya g-string down South!
Tracy: Gross! That's my brother!
Evie: [giggling while walking away with Tracy] Relax! Maybe I'll marry into the family.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Melanie: What is that?
Tracy: [whispers] It's a belly-button ring.
Melanie: Speak up, I can't hear you.
Tracy: ITS A BELLY-BUTTON RING! HOW ELSE CAN I SAY IT, I DON'T SPEAK NO OTHER LANGUAGES! Oh, and you wanna know what that is,
[sticks out her tongue]
Tracy: that is a tongue ring.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tracy: Mothers, lock up your sons!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mason: What? You wanna hit me, Tracy? Go ahead and hit me. You will go to jail, you *beep* *beep*!
Tracy: Don't call me a *beep*. MOM! MASON JUST CALLED ME A *beep*!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Tracy's slashed-up arm is exposed]
Tracy: [crying] That's none of your business, you *beep* Frankenstein!
Brooke: Oh, no. This child is my business, you little cunt.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Melanie: You're my heart.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tracy: So you're a model?
Evie: She's a model-slash-actress!
Brooke: Slash-bartender who's about to be late for work.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Evie: Tracy?
Tracy: What-ey?
Evie: Your going out with Javi!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Evie: How about we make a Luke sandwich?
Luke: Um, how about you're jailbait?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tracy: Mom! I have to go to the bathroom, *now*.
Melanie: Can't you hold it a minute?
Tracy: That's how you get a bladder infection, you child abuser!
Melanie: That's dramatic.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mason: [Tracy's back is turned and Mason doesn't see her face] Oh, baby, back that ass up!
Mason: [Tracy turns around] Tracy?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brooke: Evie, goddamit, have you seen my other cutlet?
Evie: Incoming cutlet!
[throws it at her and hits her in the behind]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Melanie: Have you been drinking?
Mason: Of course she has because she's always *beep* DRINKING, isn't she?
Tracy: Oh, like you never have!
Brady: Hey, what's going on?
[Kayla begins crying]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rapper #1: [rapping] I feel like humpin' somethin'! I feel like humpin' somethin'! I feel like humpin' somethin'!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tracy: Geez, Mom, why don't you open a hotel? You could get payed for all this *beep*.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tracy: So, Brady, how was the halfway house?
Brady: Same as the last one, Tracy.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Evie: Something peed in your bed.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brooke: We'll be moving up to Ojai so you won't be seeing Evie again... ever. You're really cruel, Tracy. I mean, I'm sure you can be a sweet kid when you want but right now you are a really bad influence! I mean you cheat, you lie, you steal
Tracy: [shouts] Oh, my God! Are you kidding me? Where do you think I *learned* all this *beep* from?
[Tracy walks off into the kitchen]
Melanie: Tracy was playing with Barbies before she met Evie!
[follows Tracy into kitchen]
Brooke: [along with Evie, follows Tracy and Melanie into kitchen] Oh what? Did she teach her to beat the crap out of her as well
[grabs Tracy by the arm]
Brooke: Don't even start with me little one, I've seen the bruises!
Tracy: What the hell did you tell her, Evie?
Brooke: [turns to Evie] Come here... What about this?
[shows scrape by Evie's hairline that Tracy accidentally made when the two girls were play fighting]
Tracy: [shouts] What the *beep*? We were just goofing!
Melanie: Tracy didn't hit her!
Evie: [shouts] Yes, she did!
Tracy: [shouts] I don't believe this *beep*! She hit me too! She hit me too!
Brooke: [grabs Tracy's arm and struggles with Tracy to pull back her sleeve] And look at this, Mel!
Melanie: Take your hands off her!
Tracy: No! Don't you dare! No, don't, please!
[starts crying as the cuts on her are revealed when Brooke pulls down her sleeve]
Brooke: See! She cuts!
Tracy: [crying] That's none of your business you **beep** Frankenstein!
Brooke: Oh, no, this child is my business, you little cunt!
Melanie: That's enough, you have to get out.
[Brooke and Evie slowly start to walk out]
Melanie: Now!
Brooke: [softly] C'mon Evie, let's go.
Evie: [crying] Who would wanna stay in this *beep* hole anyways?
[screams]
Evie: It *beep* stinks in here, Mel!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mason: Stupid *beep*!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tracy: [Tracy comes home wasted] Shouldn't you tell Mom how you get stoned every night?
Mason: She knows I smoke pot, Tracy. Look at your pupils. You're *so* *beep* busted.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[first lines]
Tracy: Hit me. I'm serious, I can't feel anything, hit me! Again, do it harder! I can't feel anything, this is awesome!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[last lines]
Tracy: Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tracy: [Tracey walks into the bathroom in a huff, Astrid looks over] So, you wanna just go to the boardwalk and sell some *beep*?
Astrid: [putting stickers on her face in the mirror] I can't. I'm late for my Biology actually, we're doing a play and I'm the mermaid.
[raises eyebrows and walks out of bathroom]
Tracy: [stares into mirror, applying makeup]

i hoped that helped! ^^^ n e body need n e more?

Does anyone have any from The movies How to lose a guy in ten days and Under the tuscan sun?

Thank you so much.

How to lose a guy in 10 days quotes-

Andie: Like, do blondes, like, do they really have more fun?

Andie: True or False: All's fair in love and war.
Ben: True.
Andie: Great answer.
Ben: Good question!

Andie: Our love fern! You let it die!
Ben: No, honey, its just sleeping.

Andie: Benny boo boo... boo boo boo!

Ben: Let's take a break because the woman is driving me crazy.
Tony: Which woman? Andie or Princess Sophia?

[Andie is holding a tissue in front of Ben's face]
Andie: C'mon, blow. Nobody likes a Mr. Sniffles.
Tony: Yeah, uh, I hate Mr. Sniffles.

Andie: Unattached?
Ben: Currently.
Andie: Likewise.
Ben: Surprising.
Andie: Psycho?
Ben: Rarely, Interested?
Andie: Perhaps.
Ben: Hungry?
Andie: Starving.
Ben: Leaving?
Andie: Now?

Andie: Does Princess Sophia want to come out and play?
Ben: Who's Princess Sophia?
[Andie points at his crotch]
Andie: Little, big, little, big... I don't know... we will find out!
Ben: You can't name my member... Princess Sophia.
Andie: Yes, I can!
Ben: If you are gonna name my... member, you have to name it something hyper masculine. Something like Spike, or Butch, or Krull the Warrior King!

Tony: It looks like the inside of a raincoat!

Thayer: Is she on something?
Ben: God I hope so.
Andie: Are you saying I'm some kind of mental person?

Ben: That's what I'm talking about. Where's the sexy, cool, fun, smart, beautiful Andie that I knew? The one that wanted to be a serious journalist? You're up, you're down, you're here, you're there, you're like a fricken' one woman circus.

Andie: You can't lose something you never had.

Ben: That's what I was, huh? I was your guinea pig, somebody you can test your theories on.
Andie: And I was just a girl somebody picked out in a bar
Ben: Yeah, so what, big deal? Hell, now you can even use it as a little twist in your story
Andie: Thats a good idea, maybe we should bet on it
Ben: You know what, you did your job now Andie
Andie: Yes I did
Ben: You wanted to lose a guy in 10 days, congratulations you did it. You just lost him
Andie: No I didn't Ben, cause you can't lose something you never had!

Andie: Hey, listen, Sparky. I have a masters in journalism from Columba, my boss loves me, and if I do it her way for a while, I can write about whatever I want.
Ben: Like, shoes?

[Ben is trying to find words to be used as metaphors for diamonds]
Ben: How about 'Glitter'?
Tony: Thayer's favorite movie.
Thayer: It was underrated!

Glenda: Now Andie, I hope you know that we expect you to come back here because you have held Ben to his lowest *beep* score since his tonsillectomy and we are thrilled!
Jack: LOWEST!
Andie: Why were all his other girlfriends *beep* losers?
Glenda: What other girlfriends? You are the first girl he ever brought home! Don't you break his heart now!

Andie: [Crying at restaurant after waitress asks if everything is okay] My boyfriend thinks I'm fat!
[Flicks food at him]
Andie: And I can't eat in front of him! I can't eat in front of you! I have to go to the bathroom.
Ben: [Receives dirty looks from other customers] I don't thinks she's fat!

[Andie is making Ben's place all girly. She's put "chick" CDs in his CD player]
Andie: Sheryl, Tori, Sinead, Jewel, Fiona, Carly... Gang's all here!

Ben: Look, look, look, wait a minute. The one night we even thought about having sex, all right, she up and decides she's going to nickname my...
Michelle Rubin: Penis?
Ben: Yeah. "Princess Sophia." You want to talk about shooting a man's horse? Whop! Come on!

Andie: I love you Binky... but I don't have to like you right now.

Michelle Rubin: So, tell me, how long have you guys been seeing each other?
Andie: Seven days.
Michelle Rubin: Seven days. Interesting.
Ben: Is that too soon to be seeing a therapist?
Andie: Well, Ben, seven days isn't like a lifetime, or anything...
Ben: It's like a week.

Tony: Drunk and tone-deaf. Never a good combination.

[first lines]
Jeannie Ashcroft: [reading] "And only then will the people of Tajikistan know true and lasting peace." Andie, it's brilliant. It's really moving. But it's never going to appear in Composure Magazine.

[last lines]
Ben: Look who made the trip with me.
Andie: It's our love fern! Oh, Bennie-boo-boo, boo-boo.




is this what you're looking for ?

Chenille:Why you so quiet? Patrick Reynolds ain't got nothin' to say? That's a first. You know how I go off on folks sometimes. I mean it and then I don't mean it. Like what I said to Sara. Guess she told you.
Patrick: I don't care what you said, Chenille.
Chenille: Patrick. Your ass is on your back and your lips are on the ground. You care, baby brother. And not just about what I said. You seriously like Sara. She got
a serious jones for you. Am I lyin'?
Patrick: It's besides the point. Whatever point it is you tryin' to make.
Chenille:I'm sayin' you can't help who you love, Patrick. At least you found somebody who loves you back.
Patrick: I gotta go.
Chenille: To where? To who? Malakai? You ain't through with that fool yet.
Patrick: He's not a fool, Chenille.
Chenille:No. You know what? You're the fool, Patrick. You think you let Malakai down and all you did wastry to pull yourself up. Ain't no blame or shame in that.
Patrick: I still gotta go. Check you later.

hope those help

Any from Prozac Nation?

yup thank you!

Memorable Quotes from
Prozac Nation (2001)
[opening narration]
Elizabeth: Back, back, back. How *beep* far back do you go? My mom and dad were divorced before I was two, and from that on my father was almost uninvolved in my life, and my mother much too involved. She wanted to make up for all her mistakes through me.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Elizabeth: One night there was something in my pants, like blood. My mom said, oh, hell, your period. This is where all the trouble starts. She was right.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Elizabeth: Now mom and dad really had something to fight over: me. Then one day my dad disappeared. No numbers, no letters - just gone. I wrote to seventeen magazine, a long letter about us. They wanted to publish it as an article, but kept asking, your dad going away, does he come back? Does it have a happy ending? In reality it didn't, but I thought, what the hell, I'll give them what they want.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mrs. Wurtzel: Come on, this is the most important day of your life!
Elizabeth: I thought that's when you get married.
Mrs. Wurtzel: Huh, no honey, that's the worst day of your life.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mrs. Wurtzel: [on the phone] Mom, she looks beautiful.
Elizabeth: Pity, I was aiming for psychotic.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Elizabeth: Ever since I was a little kid, my mum and I hang out together. I didn't fit in with most kids at schools. They thought I was strange, so they made me feel like a stranger. And my mother took advantage of it from an early age, throwing me into plays, spelling bees, studying, writing, museums, concerts, and even more writing. She convinced me this would lead to the Holy Grail: Harvard. A place where I would finally be surrounded by people I had something in common with.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Elizabeth: [to Ruby] We'll be like this beautiful literary freaks. Being brilliant, and dark. Sexy.
[both laugh]
Elizabeth: [to herself] Trouble is, I'm deadly serious.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Elizabeth: He told me afterwards in terms of absolute value, sex and drugs were equally meaningless to him. Just two different ways to have fun. Which is all well and good, until a girl tries out the same approach.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Elizabeth: You know, if you're going to suggest therapy, don't. I'm living proof it doesn't work.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Elizabeth: You don't understand. You don't understand, it was an accident.
Ruby: An accident? You call that a *beep* accident?
Elizabeth: It was, uh, it was sort of, you know...
Ruby: Come on, what?
Elizabeth: An accidental blowjob?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Elizabeth: Sometimes it feels like we're all living in a Prozac nation. The United States of Depression.

any one need n e more?

omg ty!!!

Do you have any quotes from the show Desperate Housewives?

Memorable Quotes from
"Desperate Housewives" (2004)
Mary Alice: Susan had met the enemy. And she? Was a *beep*.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rex: [having an allergic reaction] You put onions in my salad?
Bree: No, I didn't!
[looks back at table]
Bree: Oh, wait.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rex: I can't believe you tried to kill me.
Bree: Yes, well, I feel badly about that.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[at dinner party with all the wives and their partners]
Bree: Rex cries after he ejaculates.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lynette: Now listen to me, you are going to behave. I will not be humiliated in front of the entire neighborhood. And just so you know that I'm serious, I am...
[takes a piece of paper out of her pocket]
Porter Scavo: What's that?
Lynette: Santa's cell phone number!
Preston Scavo: How'd you get that?
Lynette: I know someone, who knows someone, who knows an elf. And if any of you acts up, so help me I will call Santa and tell him you want socks for Christmas! All right, are you willing to risk that?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Karen McCluskey: How old are your boys anyway?
[Preston and Porter look at each other]
Porter Scavo: We're six.
Karen McCluskey: [turns to Parker]
Karen McCluskey: And you?
Parker Scavo: Five.
Karen McCluskey: Wow. Your mom just pops them out, doesn't she?
Preston Scavo: How old are you?
Karen McCluskey: How old do you think?
Porter Scavo: 150.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lynette: Do you know what psychological warfare is?
[shakes his head]
Porter Scavo: No?
Lynette: Too bad for you.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lynette: Hi. My baby-sitter cancelled.
Bree: I've got millions of errands to run so...
Lynette: Please hear me out, this is important. Today I have a chance to join the human race for a few hours - there are actual adults waiting for me with margaritas. Look I'm in a dress, I have make-up on.
Bree: If it were any other day?
Lynette: Oh, for Gods sake, Bree, I'm wearing pantyhose.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tom: I love you because you did the right thing, and I admire your bravery.
Lynette: And I love you because you find ways to compliment me when you could just say, "I told you so."
[They kiss, then Tom says something in sign language]
Lynette: You just signed "I told you so", didn't you?
Tom: You'll never prove it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Karl: The heart wants what it wants!
Susan: Yeah, well, my heart wants to hurt you, but I'm able to control myself!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Julie: When was the last time you had sex?
[Susan stops what she is doing]
Julie: Are you mad that I asked?
Susan: No, I'm just trying to remember.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[George has dinner with the Van De Kamps]
Andrew Van De Kamp: So, George, can I ask you a question? And it's kind of personal.
George Williams: Sure.
Andrew Van De Kamp: Have you ever actually been with a woman?
George Williams: [chuckling] Excuse me?
Andrew Van De Kamp: Well, let's be honest. I think it's obvious by the way that you talk and act that you're not a player, so I was just curious to find out if you had ever actually gotten in the game.
George Williams: My experience with women is none of your business.
Andrew Van De Kamp: Oh, I think it is. I mean, you're dating my mom. And we both know that at your age, dating's a little more than just holding hands.
George Williams: We're not dating exactly.
Andrew Van De Kamp: Oh, sure you are. And you know what? I think it's great. But I wanna make sure my mom's happy, you know, and it would really set my mind at ease to know that she's with a guy that knows how to please a lady.
George Williams: This is inappropriate.
Andrew Van De Kamp: You know, my parents had a great sex life. Man, I heard 'em through the wall of my bedroom once.
George Williams: Please shut up.
Andrew Van De Kamp: You should've heard my mom, too. She had this... this weird moan. It was kind of like, um...
[Andrew makes a moan that's followed by an unh!]
Andrew Van De Kamp: Isn't that bizarre? That's the sound my mom makes when she climaxes.
[a dumbfounded George looks at Andrew while Bree and Danielle enter with cobblers]
Bree Van De Kamp: Okay, time for cobbler. Sorry, one of the dessert plates doesn't match. I tried to replace it, but it's Spode Florence. It's a rare pattern. It belonged to my grandmother. But hopefully once you taste the dessert, you'll forget all about it.
George Williams: I'm not hungry.
Bree Van De Kamp: George, you have to have this. It's absolutely scrumptious.
[Bree takes a bite]
Bree Van De Kamp: Mmm. Mmm!
[George looks from Bree to Andrew, who points to Bree and mouths "That's it." George slams his fist and stands up]
George Williams: Go to your room!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: Andrew, you remember Reverend Sikes, don't you?
Andrew Van De Kamp: Oh, come on.
Bree: Um, Reverend, why don't you, um, have seat, and I will get some refreshments?
[the reverend sits down at the dining room table where Andrew is sitting and Rex is pouring wine]
Reverend Sikes: Ah. So, Andrew, it's been a long time.
Andrew Van De Kamp: Yes. Yes, it has.
Bree: Would you like some water? I have flat or bubbly.
Reverend Sikes: Oh, bubbly, please. So, your mother tells me you've started having some sexual desires for other boys.
[Andrew stares at his mother who smiles back lovingly. Andrew looks at the wine]
Andrew Van De Kamp: I don't suppose I could get some of that.
Rex Van De Kamp: I'm gonna need every drop.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reverend Sikes: And over the years, we've had so many young people come to our ministry hating themselves for their unnatural desires, and within a few months, they've found an inner peace and a tranquility that is nothing short of miraculous.
Bree Van De Kamp: Oh.
[Bree reaches over and touches Andrew's arm. Andrew smiles back at his mother]
Reverend Sikes: And all it takes is a little faith and a desire to change.
Andrew Van De Kamp: I'm sorry, but I, I really don't want to talk about my sex life.
Bree Van De Kamp: Well, that's just too bad, because this needs to be discussed.
Reverend Sikes: Bree, please, let the boy speak. Go on.
Andrew Van De Kamp: Well, I appreciate your offer to help. I do. But I don't hate myself. So, I'm good.
Reverend Sikes: Son, I know what it's like to be a teenager. It's a very confusing time.
Andrew Van De Kamp: I'm not confused. I know exactly who I am.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: How could we have all forgotten about this?
Lynette: We didn't exactly forget. It's just usually when the hostess dies, the party is off.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Julie: [mocking Susan] Dear diary, Mike doesn't even know I'm alive.
Susan: Shut up.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yao Lin: I don't like lies.
Gabrielle: Yeah, well I don't like your ironing. So there.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree Van De Kamp: Reverend, I don't mean to criticize, but it sounds like you're giving up.
Reverend Sikes: Well, we can't force him on the path of righteousness. He himself has got to want to make the journey.
Bree Van De Kamp: Well, then, what do we do, just stand by while he starts dating boys?
[to Andrew]
Bree Van De Kamp: And by the way, the correct word is not "gay." It's "sodomy."
Rex Van De Kamp: We're in the middle of dinner.
Bree Van De Kamp: So?
Rex Van De Kamp: So, can you at least wait until desert before calling our son a sodomite?
Bree Van De Kamp: How you can sit there and be so casual is beyond me.
Rex Van De Kamp: For starters, I knew this dinner was a bad idea the moment you suggested it.
Bree Van De Kamp: Well, at least I'm trying to be pro-active!
Reverend Sikes: Please, there's no need to get upset.
Bree Van De Kamp: I am upset because there is a problem here and no-one seems to notice it but me.
Rex Van De Kamp: As far as I'm concerned, if Andrew is happy with who he is, then it is our job to support him!
[brief silence]
Bree Van De Kamp: [to Andrew] Your father is into S&M.
Rex Van De Kamp: Bree!
Bree Van De Kamp: He makes me beat him with a riding crop and I let him. It's no wonder you're perverted. Look who your parents are.
[Bree gets up and leaves]
Rex Van De Kamp: Excuse me.
[Rex leaves too]
Andrew Van De Kamp: [to Reverend Sikes] What a fun night. You know, we should really do this again sometime.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mary Alice: Yes, each new day in suburbia brings with it a new set of lies. The worst are the ones we tell ourselves right before we fall asleep. We whisper them in the dark, telling ourselves we're happy, or that he's happy. That we can change, or that he will change his mind. We persuade ourselves that we can live with our sins, or that we can live without him. Yes, each night before we fall asleep we lie to ourselves in a desperate, desperate hope that come morning - it will all be true.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[after reading the blackmail note]
Susan: Oh, Mary Alice, what did you do?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[after Mary Alice kills Diedre with a knife]
Paul Young: Oh, Mary Alice! What have you done?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[after killing Diedre, Mary Alice brings a toy chest from upstairs]
Paul Young: What are we going to do?
Mary Alice: You said they were pouring the concrete for the pool tomorrow.
Paul Young: You can't be serious!
Mary Alice: They'll never find her. We can put her in this.
[points to the toy chest]
Paul Young: She wont fit!
Mary Alice: Then we'll have to make her fit!
[Mary Alice starts checking Diedre's arm]
Paul Young: What are you doing?
Mary Alice: Checking for track marks.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[after killing Diedre, Mary Alice brings a toy chest from upstairs]
Paul Young: What are we going to do?
Mary Alice: You said they were pouring the concrete for the pool to mould.
Paul Young: You cant be serious!
Mary Alice: They'll never find her. We can put her in this.
[points to the toy chest]
Paul Young: She wont fit!
Mary Alice: Then we'll have to make her fit!
[Mary Alice starts checking Diedre's arm]
Paul Young: What are you doing?
Mary Alice: Checking for track marks.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: [speaking to her son after she catches him in a strip club] Andrew, I'm curious. When you fantasize about this woman, do you ever stop to think how she came to be on this runway? That's someone's little girl. And that someone probably had a lot of dreams for her. Dreams that did not include a thong... and a pole...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[about the kids]
Lynette: Why don't I just put them back in me and cook 'em until they're civilized?
Tom: You'd be cool with that?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: Girls, you don't understand. This poor kid is scared out of his mind.
Gabrielle: Oh, for God's sake, Bree. You're a woman. Manipulate him. That's what we do.
Bree: But how?
Gabrielle: I don't know. How did you usually manipulate Rex?
[Bree thinks about it, and smiles]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: I love sex. I love everything about it: the sensations, the smells. I especially love the feel of a man. All that muscle and sinew pressed against my body. And then when you add friction. MMMmmmm. The tactile sensation of running my tongue over a man's nipple ever so gently. And then there's the act itself; two bodies becoming one in that final eruption of pleasure. To be honest, the only thing I don't like about sex is the *beep*. I mean obviously it has its practical applications but I'm just not a fan.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mary Alice: It's a rare man that understands the value of a perfect rose.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Susan: Hey, Edie!
Edie: Wow, get a load of you. You look so pretty. I hardly recognize you.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gabrielle: Before we got married we made a deal, remember? No kids.
Carlos: Deals are meant to be renegotiated.
Gabrielle: We're not negotiating my uterus.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bree is compulsively fixing a button on Dr. Goldfine's jacket during their session]
Dr. Goldfine: I'm sure Freud would not approve of this.
Bree: Oh, who cares what he thinks. I took psychology in college. We learned all about Freud. A miserable human being.
Dr. Goldfine: What makes you say that?
Bree: Well, think about it. He grew up in the late 1800s. There were no appliances back then. His mother had to do everything by hand, just backbreaking work from sunup to sundown, not to mention the countless other sacrifices she probably had to make to take care of her family. And what does he do? He grows up and becomes famous, peddling a theory that the problems of most adults can be traced back to something awful their mother has done. She must have felt so betrayed. He saw how hard she worked. He saw what she did for him. Did he even ever think to say thank you? I doubt it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: [the doctor has just called to tell Bree that Rex is dead] No, no - of course. You did everything you could.
[Bree hangs up the phone, gracefully finishes cleaning her silverware... and then begins to cry uncontrollably]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rex: Bree... I think I'm having a heart attack!
Bree: No, you're not!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[after the kids bite and knock the beefy middle-aged woman over]
Lynette Scavo: Run, boys, run!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[a motorcycle cop pulls Lynette over]
Officer Hayes: License and registration, please.
[she hands them to him]
Officer Hayes: Ma'am, you know why I pulled you over?
[she looks at the kids in the back]
Lynette Scavo: I have a theory.
Officer Hayes: The kids were jumping up and down. They should be sitting, wearing their seatbelts.
Lynette Scavo: I yelled at them. They never listen to me. It's very frustrating.
Officer Hayes: Well, you have to find a way control them. After all, that's your job.
[he hands her the ticket and walks off]
Mary Alice Young: [narrating] Though he'd been a policeman for six years, Officer Hayes had never found himself in a truly dangerous situation. Then again, he had never before told a woman how to raise her children.
[Lynette furiously gets out of her car and slowly approaches Officer Hayes]
Lynette Scavo: Are you saying I'm a bad mother?
Officer Hayes: Ma'am, you need to get back in your car, please.
Lynette Scavo: I have no help. My husband's always away on business.
Officer Hayes: I'm gonna have to ask you to step back now.
Lynette Scavo: My babysitter joined the Witness Relocation Program! I haven't slept through the night...
[Officer Hayes slowly reaches for his gun]
Officer Hayes: Ma'am.
Lynette Scavo: ...in six years. And for you to stand there and judge me...
[she stands in front of Officer Hayes, who's terrified. He looks at the children, who are acting terrible]
Lynette Scavo: OK. I'm not gonna give you a ticket. I'm just gonna let you off with a warning.
Lynette Scavo: I accept your apology.
[she takes the warning, sighs, and gets back in the car]
Officer Hayes: Buckle up.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: Yes, well, I have some bad news. Rex died.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: I cannot afford to break down right now.
Susan: Why not?
Bree: [Rex's mother pulls up] You'll see why in a moment.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Betty Applewhite: Bree, us widows have to stick together.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Betty Applewhite: In the future, leave the cleverness to me.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree Van De Kamp: You are no longer invited to the funeral.
Phyllis Van De Kamp: What?
Reverend Sikes: You're not serious.
Bree Van De Kamp: Oh, yes, I am. I am going to hire security. And those security men are going to have sticks and if you so much as set foot in that sanctuary, they will be instructed to beat you with those sticks.
Reverend Sikes: Bree, this is your grief talking.
Bree Van De Kamp: Reverend, if you don't back me up on this, so help me, I will pull the funeral out of your church!
Reverend Sikes: Bree!
Bree Van De Kamp: I am not kidding. I will go non-denominational so fast, it will make your head spin.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Andrew Van De Kamp: Mom, Grandma's leaving. All right, you have to talk to her.
Bree Van De Kamp: No, I don't. If you heard the things that she said to me...
Andrew Van De Kamp: Look, I'm sure she was a real *beep*, OK, but she's family, so that makes her our *beep*. Let her say goodbye to Dad.
Andrew Van De Kamp: She went out of her way to be cruel to me. I don't want her at the funeral.
Danielle Van De Kamp: [crying] Mom, if you don't let Grandma come, I will never forgive you!
Andrew Van De Kamp: [to Danielle] Did I ask for your help?
[to Bree]
Andrew Van De Kamp: You know Dad would want her there.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: [Rex has just admitted that he is a masochist] What the hell did your mother do to you?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: Okay, now I want you to hold the gun like you're holding a beautiful white dove. Hold it firmly enough that it can't get away, but not so firmly that you can kill it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edie: [Susan walks over to Edie deliberately to show off and looks very stylish and beautiful] Wow! Look at you!
Susan: Yeah... I have a date... with Mike. We kissed, FYI...
[Susan leaves, leaving Edie with her mouth wide-open]
Edie: [Susan comes back from Mike canceling the date] So, how was the big date?
Susan: Mike had to reschedule.
Edie: Aww... 'cause of the hot girl? With the suitcase? Over there? FYI!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Shaw: Sometimes evil drives a minivan.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Paul Young: [asking about selling the house] Will I have to tell them about my wife's death in the house?
Edie: [applying make-up] Yeah. Legal crap. People get really freaked out by suicides. Hell, I get the willies just standing here.
Paul Young: Is there any other option?
Edie: [applying lipstick] Well, you could say that she shot herself in the house, then crawled out back to die...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
John Rowland: [John and Gabrielle are lying in her bed together after sex] You know what I don't get?
Gabrielle: What?
John Rowland: Why you married Mr. Solis.
Gabrielle: Well, he promised to give me everything I've ever wanted.
John Rowland: Well, did he?
Gabrielle: Yes.
John Rowland: Then... why aren't you happy?
Gabrielle: Turns out I wanted all the wrong things.
John Rowland: So. Do you love him?
Gabrielle: [sighs] I do.
John Rowland: Well, then, why are we here? Why are we doing this?
Gabrielle: Because I don't wanna wake up some morning with a sudden urge to blow my brains out.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edie: [Susan is modeling at a charity fashion show and walks off the catwalk looking tattered, dress ripped to shreds and humiliated] She never looked better!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: Danielle! How was school.
Danielle: It was okay.
Bree: Good. Where does Andrew keep his marijuana?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Rex has asked for a divorce in a family restaurant]
Rex: Are we gonna talk about what I said?
Bree: If you think I'm gonna discuss the dissolution of my marriage in a place where the restrooms are labeled Chicks and Dudes, you are out of your mind.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: [to Rex, in the hospital, after a heart attack] I know you still love me. Maisy told me. As of this moment, Rex, I am no longer your wife. I am going to find the most vindictive lawyer I can find. And together, we will eviscerate you. I will take away your money, your family, and your dignity. And I am thrilled you still love me. Because I want what's going to happen to you to hurt as much as humanly possible. I'm just so glad you didn't die before I told you that.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
George Williams: Well... I'll see you, Dr. Van De Kamp.
Rex: Please, you're dating my wife. Call me Rex.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rex: Look at you... going out?
Bree: Not that it's any of your business, but I have a date.
Rex: A date... what kind of date?
Bree: Rex, I don't want to say anything that might upset you. The doctor said any more stress could cause another heart attack.
[pause]
Bree: It's a romantic date with a single, attractive man and I intend to french the hell out of him.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: [to Rex] Please don't mistake my anal retentiveness for actual affection.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gabrielle: Damn it, John! What's our new rule?
John Rowland: [sadly] Stop pretending we have a future.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mary Alice: Yes, sooner or later we must all grow up. No-one knows this better than the young.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mary Alice: An odd thing happens when we die, our senses vanish. Taste, touch, smell and sound become a distant memory, but our sight? Ah, our sight expands and we can suddenly see the world we left behind so clearly. Of course most of what's visible to the dead could also be seen by the living, if they would only take the time to look.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Julie: [to Susan] I always assumed I'd have sex for the first time before you had it again.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Susan: Every time we went out for pizza you could have said, "Hey, I once killed a man".

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[as he dresses for court in prison]
Carlos: Beating up a second gay guy looks bad.
Gabrielle: Yes, well, Carlos, in some circles, beating people up at all is frowned upon.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Susan finds Andrew and Justin naked in a pool]
Andrew Van De Kamp: I'm not... I'm not gay.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[after breaking up with Mike]
Susan: Julie, mommy needs a hug!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: [sighting down the P-08 Luger she has been given] George! This is so much better than an orchid!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Danielle: We're not like other families, are we?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bree has told Dr. Goldfine that she's going to ignore all her problems with Rex and stay with him]
Dr. Goldfine: Bree, how does this reconciliation have a chance if the two of you can't be honest about the innermost parts of your lives?
Bree: We're, um, WASPs, Dr. Goldfine. Not acknowledging the elephant in the room is what we do best.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Rex has just told Bree about his masochism]
Rex: For God's sake, you promised to be supportive.
Bree: What do you want me to say? My husband likes to wear metal clamps around his nipples. Hooray?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bree has agreed to try "dominating" Rex]
Rex: If things do get too rough, we'll have a control word. If one of us says it, the other backs off immediately.
Bree: Okay. So what's our control word?
Rex: Well, lately I've been using "Philadelphia". What's wrong?
Bree: Well, it's just that my Aunt Fern lives in Philadelphia, and I don't want to be thinking about her while I'm spanking you with a leather strap.
Rex: Okay. Fine. You pick a control word.
Bree: Um, how about "Boise"?
Rex: "Boise"?
Bree: What's the matter with "Boise"?
Rex: We're going to be doing psychological role playing here, Bree, and a funny word like "Boise" would ruin the mood. We need something that sounds serious.
Bree: Hmm.
[sombre tone]
Bree: How about "Palestine"?
Rex: "Boise" will be just fine.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
John Rowland: This is great. Got tons of homework tonight. It's always easier to concentrate after sex.
Gabrielle: Well, I'm glad I could help. Education's very important.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edie: What the hell kind of street do we live on, anyway?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maisy Gibbons: [jailed for prostitution, she declines Bree's offer of a deal] I'm not interested... But you do get credit for one thing: you came to visit me, even it was for an ulterior motive. None of the other girls from the Club even bothered. I've been abandoned. Guess that's what happens when you become the town *beep*.
Bree: Oh, sweetie, they didn't abandon you because you're a *beep*, they abandoned you because you weren't all that nice to begin with.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Susan: Do you believe in evil, Edie?
Edie: Of course I believe in evil - I work in real estate.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[after Andrew pushes Bree, Rex grabs him and throws him into the wall]
Rex: If you ever touch your mother like that again, I will throw you right through this wall! You hear me?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Alisa Stevens is a deaf woman]
Alisa Stevens: Dennis left me.
Lynette: What?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
John Rowland: What other option do you have? Except return the shoes and get your money back.
Gabrielle: Return the shoes? I can't talk to you when you're hysterical.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mary Alice: Human beings are designed for many things. Loneliness isn't one of them.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edie: [to Bree] You could have an affair with anyone and you choose the pharmacist? You are such a Republican.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carlos: Now they think I'm some kind of serial gay basher.
Gabrielle: Well...
[holds up police sketch]
Gabrielle: you kind of are.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carlos: Hey, Gabby, aren't we breast feeding?
Gabrielle: Oh, honey, if you could swing that one, more power to ya.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: [to Rex] When is your midlife crisis going to end, because it's really starting to tick me off!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: You've obviously never had to remove a cheese stain!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Susan: What are you smiling about?
Mike Delfino: I used to have all these questions about how you got to be the way you are. They were all just answered.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edie: [Betty and her son Matthew have just moved into the neighborhood] Well, if you need me to come in at any time then, I'll ...
Betty Applewhite: [firmly] Edie, we are fine. Thank you.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[repeated line]
Bree: Oh, my heavenly days!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rex: So, these "tennis lessons" we're taking, how are we doing?
Bree: My backhand is improving greatly, but you're still having problems with your serve.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Zach Young: Thank you, Mrs. Van De Kamp.
Bree: [turning] For what?
Zach Young: Remembering my mother.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Susan just found out Karl cheated on her with Edie at a Christmas party as she is about to sing "New York, New York"]
Susan Mayer: [singing] Start spreading the news. I'm leaving today. I wanna be a part of it. New York, New York. These vagabond shoes...
[to Karl, spoken]
Susan Mayer: You're an ass, you know that?
[the pianist stops playing]
Susan Mayer: No, keep playing.
[singing]
Susan Mayer: Are longing to stray...
[to Karl, spoken]
Susan Mayer: There's a word you know, right?
[singing]
Susan Mayer: And get around the heart of it. New York, New York. I wanna...
[to Karl, spoken]
Susan Mayer: just tell you that the affair was one thing! I mean, I forgave you because, on some small level, I thought that you were in love with her, and now I find out you were just groping people at parties!
[singing]
Susan Mayer: Top of the heap...
[Karl gets up and starts to leave. Susan jumps offstage and follows him with the microphone]
Susan Mayer: [shouting] Karl, don't you turn away from me! Look at me!
Man in Audience: Uh-oh.
Susan Mayer: You know, what else were doing during our marriage? How many other women were you sticking it to? As God as my witness, it will snow on the hills of hell before I *ever* feel sorry for you again!
[everyone in the audience, including Mike and Edie, look at Susan and Karl]
Susan Mayer: [singing] New York!
[the pianist finishes playing "New York, New York"]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: [final words to Rex] You look magnificent.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carlos: We're not very nice people, are we?
Gabrielle: No. We're not.
Carlos: Aw, when we got married I thought we were gonna be so happy.
Gabrielle: Me too.
[pause]
Gabrielle: Look on the bright side - at least we're still rich.
Carlos: Thank God for that.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gabrielle: Please calm down!
John Rowland: This doesn't make any sense. Okay you love me. I know you love me.
Gabrielle: Love isn't enough. Where would we live? Here? With your roommates? The only decoration in the bathroom is a ball!
John Rowland: We could get our own place.
Gabrielle: How? You're barely making minimum wage!
John Rowland: Okay, sure. We'd be poor at first, but we'd be happy.
Gabrielle: I've tried poor, but happy. Guess what? Wasn't that happy!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Paul Young: You know, Julie is a very special girl.
Zach Young: I know.
Paul Young: She could have just about any boy she wants... I think you're a wonderful kid, I do, but your not that special, Zach, not really.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Susan: It was an accident, Karl. Edie knows it was an accident, right?
Karl: She knows you could've killed her. As it is, she's got a shattered tibia.
Susan: Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I sent roses. Did she get the roses?
Karl: Yep, she cut herself with the thorns.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Carlos is upset because a fellow inmate is threatening to beat him up if he doesn't give him $7,000, and Gabby doesn't want him to pay]
Gabrielle: You're a strong guy. You went to college on an athletic scholarship, for God's sake!
Carlos: Yeah, it was for golf!
Gabrielle: ...Oh.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Phyllis has been crying all time since Rex's death and stealing all the attention from Bree]
Bree: For God's sake, Phyllis, don't you ever worry about dehydration?
Phyllis Van De Kamp: Are you saying that I am too emotional?
Bree: I'm saying that even Italians take a break now and again.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gabrielle: Why are all rich men such jerks?
Carlos: The same reason why all beautiful women are *beep*.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Danielle Van De Kamp: Why can't we ever have normal soups? Like French Onion, or Navy Bean?
Bree Van De Kamp: Well, Danielle, your father is deathly allergic to onions, and I won't even dignify your *navy bean* suggestion with a response.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
David: You're not willing to get a divorce, but you're willing to have an affair?
Gabrielle: I said I was Catholic, not a fanatic.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edie: Well, someone might as well say it... Susan, what the hell have you been smoking?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sister Mary: Money can't buy happiness.
Gabrielle: Sure it can! That's just a lie we tell poor people to keep them from rioting.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gabrielle: The way I see it is that good friends support each other after something bad has happened, great friends act as if nothing has happened.
Bree: Well, then, good luck on your remodel.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: Gaby, this is the way I see it, good friends offer to help in a crisis, great friends don't take no for an answer.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Felicia Tilman: Don't look shocked, Martha, makes your face look fat.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Father Crowley: You pregnant?
Gabrielle: Yes, and it's impossible. I'm on the pill which I know you probably think is a sin but it's a 99.9% effective sin.
Father Crowley: Maybe its in the .1% that God works.
Gabrielle: Couldn't wait to throw that in, could you?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gabrielle: The only person more self-centred that me is Carlos, he's so self-centred he doesn't even know how self-centred I am.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gabrielle: I don't even know who to be angry at.
Father Crowley: Don't be angry, be thankful, children are a gift.
Gabrielle: I don't have time for this crap.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tom: Forget I said it.
Lynette: It's too late, you just said it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Susan: Are you OK?
Gabrielle: Yeah, I just didn't realise how disgusting meat can be

Memorable Quotes from
"Desperate Housewives" (2004)
Mary Alice: Susan had met the enemy. And she? Was a *beep*.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rex: [having an allergic reaction] You put onions in my salad?
Bree: No, I didn't!
[looks back at table]
Bree: Oh, wait.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rex: I can't believe you tried to kill me.
Bree: Yes, well, I feel badly about that.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[at dinner party with all the wives and their partners]
Bree: Rex cries after he ejaculates.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lynette: Now listen to me, you are going to behave. I will not be humiliated in front of the entire neighborhood. And just so you know that I'm serious, I am...
[takes a piece of paper out of her pocket]
Porter Scavo: What's that?
Lynette: Santa's cell phone number!
Preston Scavo: How'd you get that?
Lynette: I know someone, who knows someone, who knows an elf. And if any of you acts up, so help me I will call Santa and tell him you want socks for Christmas! All right, are you willing to risk that?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Karen McCluskey: How old are your boys anyway?
[Preston and Porter look at each other]
Porter Scavo: We're six.
Karen McCluskey: [turns to Parker]
Karen McCluskey: And you?
Parker Scavo: Five.
Karen McCluskey: Wow. Your mom just pops them out, doesn't she?
Preston Scavo: How old are you?
Karen McCluskey: How old do you think?
Porter Scavo: 150.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lynette: Do you know what psychological warfare is?
[shakes his head]
Porter Scavo: No?
Lynette: Too bad for you.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lynette: Hi. My baby-sitter cancelled.
Bree: I've got millions of errands to run so...
Lynette: Please hear me out, this is important. Today I have a chance to join the human race for a few hours - there are actual adults waiting for me with margaritas. Look I'm in a dress, I have make-up on.
Bree: If it were any other day?
Lynette: Oh, for Gods sake, Bree, I'm wearing pantyhose.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tom: I love you because you did the right thing, and I admire your bravery.
Lynette: And I love you because you find ways to compliment me when you could just say, "I told you so."
[They kiss, then Tom says something in sign language]
Lynette: You just signed "I told you so", didn't you?
Tom: You'll never prove it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Karl: The heart wants what it wants!
Susan: Yeah, well, my heart wants to hurt you, but I'm able to control myself!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Julie: When was the last time you had sex?
[Susan stops what she is doing]
Julie: Are you mad that I asked?
Susan: No, I'm just trying to remember.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[George has dinner with the Van De Kamps]
Andrew Van De Kamp: So, George, can I ask you a question? And it's kind of personal.
George Williams: Sure.
Andrew Van De Kamp: Have you ever actually been with a woman?
George Williams: [chuckling] Excuse me?
Andrew Van De Kamp: Well, let's be honest. I think it's obvious by the way that you talk and act that you're not a player, so I was just curious to find out if you had ever actually gotten in the game.
George Williams: My experience with women is none of your business.
Andrew Van De Kamp: Oh, I think it is. I mean, you're dating my mom. And we both know that at your age, dating's a little more than just holding hands.
George Williams: We're not dating exactly.
Andrew Van De Kamp: Oh, sure you are. And you know what? I think it's great. But I wanna make sure my mom's happy, you know, and it would really set my mind at ease to know that she's with a guy that knows how to please a lady.
George Williams: This is inappropriate.
Andrew Van De Kamp: You know, my parents had a great sex life. Man, I heard 'em through the wall of my bedroom once.
George Williams: Please shut up.
Andrew Van De Kamp: You should've heard my mom, too. She had this... this weird moan. It was kind of like, um...
[Andrew makes a moan that's followed by an unh!]
Andrew Van De Kamp: Isn't that bizarre? That's the sound my mom makes when she climaxes.
[a dumbfounded George looks at Andrew while Bree and Danielle enter with cobblers]
Bree Van De Kamp: Okay, time for cobbler. Sorry, one of the dessert plates doesn't match. I tried to replace it, but it's Spode Florence. It's a rare pattern. It belonged to my grandmother. But hopefully once you taste the dessert, you'll forget all about it.
George Williams: I'm not hungry.
Bree Van De Kamp: George, you have to have this. It's absolutely scrumptious.
[Bree takes a bite]
Bree Van De Kamp: Mmm. Mmm!
[George looks from Bree to Andrew, who points to Bree and mouths "That's it." George slams his fist and stands up]
George Williams: Go to your room!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: Andrew, you remember Reverend Sikes, don't you?
Andrew Van De Kamp: Oh, come on.
Bree: Um, Reverend, why don't you, um, have seat, and I will get some refreshments?
[the reverend sits down at the dining room table where Andrew is sitting and Rex is pouring wine]
Reverend Sikes: Ah. So, Andrew, it's been a long time.
Andrew Van De Kamp: Yes. Yes, it has.
Bree: Would you like some water? I have flat or bubbly.
Reverend Sikes: Oh, bubbly, please. So, your mother tells me you've started having some sexual desires for other boys.
[Andrew stares at his mother who smiles back lovingly. Andrew looks at the wine]
Andrew Van De Kamp: I don't suppose I could get some of that.
Rex Van De Kamp: I'm gonna need every drop.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reverend Sikes: And over the years, we've had so many young people come to our ministry hating themselves for their unnatural desires, and within a few months, they've found an inner peace and a tranquility that is nothing short of miraculous.
Bree Van De Kamp: Oh.
[Bree reaches over and touches Andrew's arm. Andrew smiles back at his mother]
Reverend Sikes: And all it takes is a little faith and a desire to change.
Andrew Van De Kamp: I'm sorry, but I, I really don't want to talk about my sex life.
Bree Van De Kamp: Well, that's just too bad, because this needs to be discussed.
Reverend Sikes: Bree, please, let the boy speak. Go on.
Andrew Van De Kamp: Well, I appreciate your offer to help. I do. But I don't hate myself. So, I'm good.
Reverend Sikes: Son, I know what it's like to be a teenager. It's a very confusing time.
Andrew Van De Kamp: I'm not confused. I know exactly who I am.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: How could we have all forgotten about this?
Lynette: We didn't exactly forget. It's just usually when the hostess dies, the party is off.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Julie: [mocking Susan] Dear diary, Mike doesn't even know I'm alive.
Susan: Shut up.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yao Lin: I don't like lies.
Gabrielle: Yeah, well I don't like your ironing. So there.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree Van De Kamp: Reverend, I don't mean to criticize, but it sounds like you're giving up.
Reverend Sikes: Well, we can't force him on the path of righteousness. He himself has got to want to make the journey.
Bree Van De Kamp: Well, then, what do we do, just stand by while he starts dating boys?
[to Andrew]
Bree Van De Kamp: And by the way, the correct word is not "gay." It's "sodomy."
Rex Van De Kamp: We're in the middle of dinner.
Bree Van De Kamp: So?
Rex Van De Kamp: So, can you at least wait until desert before calling our son a sodomite?
Bree Van De Kamp: How you can sit there and be so casual is beyond me.
Rex Van De Kamp: For starters, I knew this dinner was a bad idea the moment you suggested it.
Bree Van De Kamp: Well, at least I'm trying to be pro-active!
Reverend Sikes: Please, there's no need to get upset.
Bree Van De Kamp: I am upset because there is a problem here and no-one seems to notice it but me.
Rex Van De Kamp: As far as I'm concerned, if Andrew is happy with who he is, then it is our job to support him!
[brief silence]
Bree Van De Kamp: [to Andrew] Your father is into S&M.
Rex Van De Kamp: Bree!
Bree Van De Kamp: He makes me beat him with a riding crop and I let him. It's no wonder you're perverted. Look who your parents are.
[Bree gets up and leaves]
Rex Van De Kamp: Excuse me.
[Rex leaves too]
Andrew Van De Kamp: [to Reverend Sikes] What a fun night. You know, we should really do this again sometime.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mary Alice: Yes, each new day in suburbia brings with it a new set of lies. The worst are the ones we tell ourselves right before we fall asleep. We whisper them in the dark, telling ourselves we're happy, or that he's happy. That we can change, or that he will change his mind. We persuade ourselves that we can live with our sins, or that we can live without him. Yes, each night before we fall asleep we lie to ourselves in a desperate, desperate hope that come morning - it will all be true.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[after reading the blackmail note]
Susan: Oh, Mary Alice, what did you do?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[after Mary Alice kills Diedre with a knife]
Paul Young: Oh, Mary Alice! What have you done?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[after killing Diedre, Mary Alice brings a toy chest from upstairs]
Paul Young: What are we going to do?
Mary Alice: You said they were pouring the concrete for the pool tomorrow.
Paul Young: You can't be serious!
Mary Alice: They'll never find her. We can put her in this.
[points to the toy chest]
Paul Young: She wont fit!
Mary Alice: Then we'll have to make her fit!
[Mary Alice starts checking Diedre's arm]
Paul Young: What are you doing?
Mary Alice: Checking for track marks.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[after killing Diedre, Mary Alice brings a toy chest from upstairs]
Paul Young: What are we going to do?
Mary Alice: You said they were pouring the concrete for the pool to mould.
Paul Young: You cant be serious!
Mary Alice: They'll never find her. We can put her in this.
[points to the toy chest]
Paul Young: She wont fit!
Mary Alice: Then we'll have to make her fit!
[Mary Alice starts checking Diedre's arm]
Paul Young: What are you doing?
Mary Alice: Checking for track marks.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: [speaking to her son after she catches him in a strip club] Andrew, I'm curious. When you fantasize about this woman, do you ever stop to think how she came to be on this runway? That's someone's little girl. And that someone probably had a lot of dreams for her. Dreams that did not include a thong... and a pole...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[about the kids]
Lynette: Why don't I just put them back in me and cook 'em until they're civilized?
Tom: You'd be cool with that?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: Girls, you don't understand. This poor kid is scared out of his mind.
Gabrielle: Oh, for God's sake, Bree. You're a woman. Manipulate him. That's what we do.
Bree: But how?
Gabrielle: I don't know. How did you usually manipulate Rex?
[Bree thinks about it, and smiles]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: I love sex. I love everything about it: the sensations, the smells. I especially love the feel of a man. All that muscle and sinew pressed against my body. And then when you add friction. MMMmmmm. The tactile sensation of running my tongue over a man's nipple ever so gently. And then there's the act itself; two bodies becoming one in that final eruption of pleasure. To be honest, the only thing I don't like about sex is the *beep*. I mean obviously it has its practical applications but I'm just not a fan.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mary Alice: It's a rare man that understands the value of a perfect rose.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Susan: Hey, Edie!
Edie: Wow, get a load of you. You look so pretty. I hardly recognize you.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gabrielle: Before we got married we made a deal, remember? No kids.
Carlos: Deals are meant to be renegotiated.
Gabrielle: We're not negotiating my uterus.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bree is compulsively fixing a button on Dr. Goldfine's jacket during their session]
Dr. Goldfine: I'm sure Freud would not approve of this.
Bree: Oh, who cares what he thinks. I took psychology in college. We learned all about Freud. A miserable human being.
Dr. Goldfine: What makes you say that?
Bree: Well, think about it. He grew up in the late 1800s. There were no appliances back then. His mother had to do everything by hand, just backbreaking work from sunup to sundown, not to mention the countless other sacrifices she probably had to make to take care of her family. And what does he do? He grows up and becomes famous, peddling a theory that the problems of most adults can be traced back to something awful their mother has done. She must have felt so betrayed. He saw how hard she worked. He saw what she did for him. Did he even ever think to say thank you? I doubt it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: [the doctor has just called to tell Bree that Rex is dead] No, no - of course. You did everything you could.
[Bree hangs up the phone, gracefully finishes cleaning her silverware... and then begins to cry uncontrollably]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rex: Bree... I think I'm having a heart attack!
Bree: No, you're not!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[after the kids bite and knock the beefy middle-aged woman over]
Lynette Scavo: Run, boys, run!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[a motorcycle cop pulls Lynette over]
Officer Hayes: License and registration, please.
[she hands them to him]
Officer Hayes: Ma'am, you know why I pulled you over?
[she looks at the kids in the back]
Lynette Scavo: I have a theory.
Officer Hayes: The kids were jumping up and down. They should be sitting, wearing their seatbelts.
Lynette Scavo: I yelled at them. They never listen to me. It's very frustrating.
Officer Hayes: Well, you have to find a way control them. After all, that's your job.
[he hands her the ticket and walks off]
Mary Alice Young: [narrating] Though he'd been a policeman for six years, Officer Hayes had never found himself in a truly dangerous situation. Then again, he had never before told a woman how to raise her children.
[Lynette furiously gets out of her car and slowly approaches Officer Hayes]
Lynette Scavo: Are you saying I'm a bad mother?
Officer Hayes: Ma'am, you need to get back in your car, please.
Lynette Scavo: I have no help. My husband's always away on business.
Officer Hayes: I'm gonna have to ask you to step back now.
Lynette Scavo: My babysitter joined the Witness Relocation Program! I haven't slept through the night...
[Officer Hayes slowly reaches for his gun]
Officer Hayes: Ma'am.
Lynette Scavo: ...in six years. And for you to stand there and judge me...
[she stands in front of Officer Hayes, who's terrified. He looks at the children, who are acting terrible]
Lynette Scavo: OK. I'm not gonna give you a ticket. I'm just gonna let you off with a warning.
Lynette Scavo: I accept your apology.
[she takes the warning, sighs, and gets back in the car]
Officer Hayes: Buckle up.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: Yes, well, I have some bad news. Rex died.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: I cannot afford to break down right now.
Susan: Why not?
Bree: [Rex's mother pulls up] You'll see why in a moment.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Betty Applewhite: Bree, us widows have to stick together.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Betty Applewhite: In the future, leave the cleverness to me.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree Van De Kamp: You are no longer invited to the funeral.
Phyllis Van De Kamp: What?
Reverend Sikes: You're not serious.
Bree Van De Kamp: Oh, yes, I am. I am going to hire security. And those security men are going to have sticks and if you so much as set foot in that sanctuary, they will be instructed to beat you with those sticks.
Reverend Sikes: Bree, this is your grief talking.
Bree Van De Kamp: Reverend, if you don't back me up on this, so help me, I will pull the funeral out of your church!
Reverend Sikes: Bree!
Bree Van De Kamp: I am not kidding. I will go non-denominational so fast, it will make your head spin.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Andrew Van De Kamp: Mom, Grandma's leaving. All right, you have to talk to her.
Bree Van De Kamp: No, I don't. If you heard the things that she said to me...
Andrew Van De Kamp: Look, I'm sure she was a real *beep*, OK, but she's family, so that makes her our *beep*. Let her say goodbye to Dad.
Andrew Van De Kamp: She went out of her way to be cruel to me. I don't want her at the funeral.
Danielle Van De Kamp: [crying] Mom, if you don't let Grandma come, I will never forgive you!
Andrew Van De Kamp: [to Danielle] Did I ask for your help?
[to Bree]
Andrew Van De Kamp: You know Dad would want her there.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: [Rex has just admitted that he is a masochist] What the hell did your mother do to you?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: Okay, now I want you to hold the gun like you're holding a beautiful white dove. Hold it firmly enough that it can't get away, but not so firmly that you can kill it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edie: [Susan walks over to Edie deliberately to show off and looks very stylish and beautiful] Wow! Look at you!
Susan: Yeah... I have a date... with Mike. We kissed, FYI...
[Susan leaves, leaving Edie with her mouth wide-open]
Edie: [Susan comes back from Mike canceling the date] So, how was the big date?
Susan: Mike had to reschedule.
Edie: Aww... 'cause of the hot girl? With the suitcase? Over there? FYI!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Shaw: Sometimes evil drives a minivan.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Paul Young: [asking about selling the house] Will I have to tell them about my wife's death in the house?
Edie: [applying make-up] Yeah. Legal crap. People get really freaked out by suicides. Hell, I get the willies just standing here.
Paul Young: Is there any other option?
Edie: [applying lipstick] Well, you could say that she shot herself in the house, then crawled out back to die...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
John Rowland: [John and Gabrielle are lying in her bed together after sex] You know what I don't get?
Gabrielle: What?
John Rowland: Why you married Mr. Solis.
Gabrielle: Well, he promised to give me everything I've ever wanted.
John Rowland: Well, did he?
Gabrielle: Yes.
John Rowland: Then... why aren't you happy?
Gabrielle: Turns out I wanted all the wrong things.
John Rowland: So. Do you love him?
Gabrielle: [sighs] I do.
John Rowland: Well, then, why are we here? Why are we doing this?
Gabrielle: Because I don't wanna wake up some morning with a sudden urge to blow my brains out.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edie: [Susan is modeling at a charity fashion show and walks off the catwalk looking tattered, dress ripped to shreds and humiliated] She never looked better!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: Danielle! How was school.
Danielle: It was okay.
Bree: Good. Where does Andrew keep his marijuana?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Rex has asked for a divorce in a family restaurant]
Rex: Are we gonna talk about what I said?
Bree: If you think I'm gonna discuss the dissolution of my marriage in a place where the restrooms are labeled Chicks and Dudes, you are out of your mind.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: [to Rex, in the hospital, after a heart attack] I know you still love me. Maisy told me. As of this moment, Rex, I am no longer your wife. I am going to find the most vindictive lawyer I can find. And together, we will eviscerate you. I will take away your money, your family, and your dignity. And I am thrilled you still love me. Because I want what's going to happen to you to hurt as much as humanly possible. I'm just so glad you didn't die before I told you that.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
George Williams: Well... I'll see you, Dr. Van De Kamp.
Rex: Please, you're dating my wife. Call me Rex.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rex: Look at you... going out?
Bree: Not that it's any of your business, but I have a date.
Rex: A date... what kind of date?
Bree: Rex, I don't want to say anything that might upset you. The doctor said any more stress could cause another heart attack.
[pause]
Bree: It's a romantic date with a single, attractive man and I intend to french the hell out of him.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: [to Rex] Please don't mistake my anal retentiveness for actual affection.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gabrielle: Damn it, John! What's our new rule?
John Rowland: [sadly] Stop pretending we have a future.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mary Alice: Yes, sooner or later we must all grow up. No-one knows this better than the young.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mary Alice: An odd thing happens when we die, our senses vanish. Taste, touch, smell and sound become a distant memory, but our sight? Ah, our sight expands and we can suddenly see the world we left behind so clearly. Of course most of what's visible to the dead could also be seen by the living, if they would only take the time to look.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Julie: [to Susan] I always assumed I'd have sex for the first time before you had it again.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Susan: Every time we went out for pizza you could have said, "Hey, I once killed a man".

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[as he dresses for court in prison]
Carlos: Beating up a second gay guy looks bad.
Gabrielle: Yes, well, Carlos, in some circles, beating people up at all is frowned upon.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Susan finds Andrew and Justin naked in a pool]
Andrew Van De Kamp: I'm not... I'm not gay.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[after breaking up with Mike]
Susan: Julie, mommy needs a hug!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: [sighting down the P-08 Luger she has been given] George! This is so much better than an orchid!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Danielle: We're not like other families, are we?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bree has told Dr. Goldfine that she's going to ignore all her problems with Rex and stay with him]
Dr. Goldfine: Bree, how does this reconciliation have a chance if the two of you can't be honest about the innermost parts of your lives?
Bree: We're, um, WASPs, Dr. Goldfine. Not acknowledging the elephant in the room is what we do best.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Rex has just told Bree about his masochism]
Rex: For God's sake, you promised to be supportive.
Bree: What do you want me to say? My husband likes to wear metal clamps around his nipples. Hooray?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bree has agreed to try "dominating" Rex]
Rex: If things do get too rough, we'll have a control word. If one of us says it, the other backs off immediately.
Bree: Okay. So what's our control word?
Rex: Well, lately I've been using "Philadelphia". What's wrong?
Bree: Well, it's just that my Aunt Fern lives in Philadelphia, and I don't want to be thinking about her while I'm spanking you with a leather strap.
Rex: Okay. Fine. You pick a control word.
Bree: Um, how about "Boise"?
Rex: "Boise"?
Bree: What's the matter with "Boise"?
Rex: We're going to be doing psychological role playing here, Bree, and a funny word like "Boise" would ruin the mood. We need something that sounds serious.
Bree: Hmm.
[sombre tone]
Bree: How about "Palestine"?
Rex: "Boise" will be just fine.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
John Rowland: This is great. Got tons of homework tonight. It's always easier to concentrate after sex.
Gabrielle: Well, I'm glad I could help. Education's very important.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edie: What the hell kind of street do we live on, anyway?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maisy Gibbons: [jailed for prostitution, she declines Bree's offer of a deal] I'm not interested... But you do get credit for one thing: you came to visit me, even it was for an ulterior motive. None of the other girls from the Club even bothered. I've been abandoned. Guess that's what happens when you become the town *beep*.
Bree: Oh, sweetie, they didn't abandon you because you're a *beep*, they abandoned you because you weren't all that nice to begin with.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Susan: Do you believe in evil, Edie?
Edie: Of course I believe in evil - I work in real estate.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[after Andrew pushes Bree, Rex grabs him and throws him into the wall]
Rex: If you ever touch your mother like that again, I will throw you right through this wall! You hear me?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Alisa Stevens is a deaf woman]
Alisa Stevens: Dennis left me.
Lynette: What?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
John Rowland: What other option do you have? Except return the shoes and get your money back.
Gabrielle: Return the shoes? I can't talk to you when you're hysterical.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mary Alice: Human beings are designed for many things. Loneliness isn't one of them.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edie: [to Bree] You could have an affair with anyone and you choose the pharmacist? You are such a Republican.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carlos: Now they think I'm some kind of serial gay basher.
Gabrielle: Well...
[holds up police sketch]
Gabrielle: you kind of are.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carlos: Hey, Gabby, aren't we breast feeding?
Gabrielle: Oh, honey, if you could swing that one, more power to ya.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: [to Rex] When is your midlife crisis going to end, because it's really starting to tick me off!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: You've obviously never had to remove a cheese stain!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Susan: What are you smiling about?
Mike Delfino: I used to have all these questions about how you got to be the way you are. They were all just answered.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edie: [Betty and her son Matthew have just moved into the neighborhood] Well, if you need me to come in at any time then, I'll ...
Betty Applewhite: [firmly] Edie, we are fine. Thank you.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[repeated line]
Bree: Oh, my heavenly days!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rex: So, these "tennis lessons" we're taking, how are we doing?
Bree: My backhand is improving greatly, but you're still having problems with your serve.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Zach Young: Thank you, Mrs. Van De Kamp.
Bree: [turning] For what?
Zach Young: Remembering my mother.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Susan just found out Karl cheated on her with Edie at a Christmas party as she is about to sing "New York, New York"]
Susan Mayer: [singing] Start spreading the news. I'm leaving today. I wanna be a part of it. New York, New York. These vagabond shoes...
[to Karl, spoken]
Susan Mayer: You're an ass, you know that?
[the pianist stops playing]
Susan Mayer: No, keep playing.
[singing]
Susan Mayer: Are longing to stray...
[to Karl, spoken]
Susan Mayer: There's a word you know, right?
[singing]
Susan Mayer: And get around the heart of it. New York, New York. I wanna...
[to Karl, spoken]
Susan Mayer: just tell you that the affair was one thing! I mean, I forgave you because, on some small level, I thought that you were in love with her, and now I find out you were just groping people at parties!
[singing]
Susan Mayer: Top of the heap...
[Karl gets up and starts to leave. Susan jumps offstage and follows him with the microphone]
Susan Mayer: [shouting] Karl, don't you turn away from me! Look at me!
Man in Audience: Uh-oh.
Susan Mayer: You know, what else were doing during our marriage? How many other women were you sticking it to? As God as my witness, it will snow on the hills of hell before I *ever* feel sorry for you again!
[everyone in the audience, including Mike and Edie, look at Susan and Karl]
Susan Mayer: [singing] New York!
[the pianist finishes playing "New York, New York"]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: [final words to Rex] You look magnificent.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carlos: We're not very nice people, are we?
Gabrielle: No. We're not.
Carlos: Aw, when we got married I thought we were gonna be so happy.
Gabrielle: Me too.
[pause]
Gabrielle: Look on the bright side - at least we're still rich.
Carlos: Thank God for that.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gabrielle: Please calm down!
John Rowland: This doesn't make any sense. Okay you love me. I know you love me.
Gabrielle: Love isn't enough. Where would we live? Here? With your roommates? The only decoration in the bathroom is a ball!
John Rowland: We could get our own place.
Gabrielle: How? You're barely making minimum wage!
John Rowland: Okay, sure. We'd be poor at first, but we'd be happy.
Gabrielle: I've tried poor, but happy. Guess what? Wasn't that happy!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Paul Young: You know, Julie is a very special girl.
Zach Young: I know.
Paul Young: She could have just about any boy she wants... I think you're a wonderful kid, I do, but your not that special, Zach, not really.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Susan: It was an accident, Karl. Edie knows it was an accident, right?
Karl: She knows you could've killed her. As it is, she's got a shattered tibia.
Susan: Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I sent roses. Did she get the roses?
Karl: Yep, she cut herself with the thorns.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Carlos is upset because a fellow inmate is threatening to beat him up if he doesn't give him $7,000, and Gabby doesn't want him to pay]
Gabrielle: You're a strong guy. You went to college on an athletic scholarship, for God's sake!
Carlos: Yeah, it was for golf!
Gabrielle: ...Oh.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Phyllis has been crying all time since Rex's death and stealing all the attention from Bree]
Bree: For God's sake, Phyllis, don't you ever worry about dehydration?
Phyllis Van De Kamp: Are you saying that I am too emotional?
Bree: I'm saying that even Italians take a break now and again.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gabrielle: Why are all rich men such jerks?
Carlos: The same reason why all beautiful women are *beep*.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Danielle Van De Kamp: Why can't we ever have normal soups? Like French Onion, or Navy Bean?
Bree Van De Kamp: Well, Danielle, your father is deathly allergic to onions, and I won't even dignify your *navy bean* suggestion with a response.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
David: You're not willing to get a divorce, but you're willing to have an affair?
Gabrielle: I said I was Catholic, not a fanatic.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edie: Well, someone might as well say it... Susan, what the hell have you been smoking?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sister Mary: Money can't buy happiness.
Gabrielle: Sure it can! That's just a lie we tell poor people to keep them from rioting.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gabrielle: The way I see it is that good friends support each other after something bad has happened, great friends act as if nothing has happened.
Bree: Well, then, good luck on your remodel.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bree: Gaby, this is the way I see it, good friends offer to help in a crisis, great friends don't take no for an answer.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Felicia Tilman: Don't look shocked, Martha, makes your face look fat.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Father Crowley: You pregnant?
Gabrielle: Yes, and it's impossible. I'm on the pill which I know you probably think is a sin but it's a 99.9% effective sin.
Father Crowley: Maybe its in the .1% that God works.
Gabrielle: Couldn't wait to throw that in, could you?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gabrielle: The only person more self-centred that me is Carlos, he's so self-centred he doesn't even know how self-centred I am.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gabrielle: I don't even know who to be angry at.
Father Crowley: Don't be angry, be thankful, children are a gift.
Gabrielle: I don't have time for this crap.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tom: Forget I said it.
Lynette: It's too late, you just said it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Susan: Are you OK?
Gabrielle: Yeah, I just didn't realise how disgusting meat can be

anyone need anymore? id b happy to help

Thank you

any one need n e more!?!?

Do you have any sisterhood of the traveling pants. I use to have some but then i lost them.

Memorable Quotes from
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (2005)
[from trailer]
Lena: We may have been wrong about the pants.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[from trailer]
Carmen: I'm mad at my dad. Why is that so hard for me to see? I have no problem being mad at you.
Tibby: 'Cause you know I'll always love you no matter what.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Supermarket Manager: [pertaining to the price tag gun] You are really good with that thing!
Tibby: Yeah, well we all have our little talents.
[shoots sticker onto forehead]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tibby: Hey, it's Tibby. Here comes the beep. Hopefully, you know what to do with it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tibby: These pants need to bring you a miracle, here
[bawling]
Tibby: you can keep them for a while. So they can make you get better.
Bailey: They already have, they made me find you.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bridget: Wear them. They'll make you brave.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tibby: The magic is unsanitary!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bridget: [excitedly] Lena!
Lena: [holding a picture of her and Kostas fishing] I know, isn't he gorgeous?
Bridget: I was talking about you holding a fish!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carmen: You think that a pair of pants that fits all three of you is going to fit *all* of this?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lena: You don't even know me.
Kostos: But I'm trying to. Can't you see that?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lena: Papou, I need to say something to you. You can pretend that you don't understand me, but I know you do. People have always said to me that I take after Yia Yia, that I have her face and her smile, but what no-one ever sees is that there's this whole other part of me that's just like you. Quiet and stubborn, and afraid of showing too much and then I met someone who changed everything and he showed me that I can take a chance even when it's only for a moment...
Yia Yia: Lena!
Papou: Shh,
[Greek dialogue]
Lena: You had that same moment once when you met Yia Yia and you risked everything for it, that was your chance Papou, and I'm asking now to have mine.
Papou: Go.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tibby: How old are you, anyway? 10?
Bailey: I'm 12!
Tibby: Same thing.
Bailey: No, when I was 10 I didn't have an iPod.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[when Bailey is being taken away on the stretcher-type thing when she fainted in Wallman's and looks at Tibby]
Bailey: You have a price sticker on your forehead.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bailey: So, uh, who told you?
Tibby: Uh, told me what?
Bailey: You found out didn't you?
Tibby: We still have time for one more interview...
Bailey: It's called leukemia... ,yeah and I would like to come with you, but are you just asking because you feel sorry for me?
Tibby: I don't know... ,maybe.
Bailey: Okay.
Tibby: Okay.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tibby: I brought something for you... ta da.
Bailey: The traveling pants.
Tibby: Yeah, I just got them back, from Lena.
Bailey: The one in Greece.
Tibby: Yeah, she said that we were right all along and that the pants are magic and I don't know the details but I do know Lena and for her to say that must mean... that it must be true... so I was thinking that maybe you could have them for a while.
Bailey: They don't fit me remember?
Tibby: Yeah, I know, but that doesn't matter... none of it really matters... you have to take them, Bailey... okay you have to let them help you... please. I know that you're tired, okay, but you can't give up, the pants will give you a miracle, you have to believe.
Bailey: The pants have already worked their magic on me, they brought me to you.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bridget: You know that all the beaches in Greece are nude?
Lena: WHAT?
[Lena knocks over a sales rack]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bailey: I want you to do something for me.
Tibby: What?
Bailey: Finish your documentary.
Tibby: Why?
Bailey: Because you can.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[from trailer]
Lena: All my life, everybody has seen me a certain way. What do you see?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carmen: Why are you being so hypocritical? You're the one who walks around saying screw the world because its easier that having to feel anything!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bridget: Single-minded till the point of recklessness.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carmen: [to her father's fiancee after trying out a bridesmaid dress for the wedding] You know what? Just forget about the dress. We can tell everybody that Carmen's Puerto Rican. And it never occurred to you she might be built differently. Or that, unlike you or your daughter, she has an ass that the tailor didn't have enough bolts of material to cover.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kostos: Some people show off their beauty because they want the world to see it. Others try to hide their beauty because they want the world to see something else.
Lena: And what do you see?
Kostos: Everything.
[they kiss for the first time]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lena: [in her letter, after Kostas accuses her of being afraid to love him] He's right, Car. I am afraid. There's a part of me that wants to let him in but then I feel myself put this wall up and I don't understand why. Maybe that's what strikes me most about Kostas. That despite everything he's suffered he can still look at life in the most uncomplicated way. I've never known that kind of faith. It makes me sad that people like Kostas and Bridget who have lost everything can still be open to love while I, who have lost nothing, am not.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bailey: Maybe the truth is there's a little bit of loser in all of us you know, being happy isnt having everything in your life being perfect. Maybe it's about stringing together all the little things like wearing these pants, or getting to a new level of Dragon's Lair. Making those count more then the bad stuff. Maybe we just get through it. And that's all we can ask for.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tibby: Well what, what is she doing here? Tell me.
Bailey: She's thinking.
Tibby: She's thinking? I think she's trying to grow a brain, that's what.