Why shouldn't you take showers with Pokemon?

Because they will Pik-at-chu (Pikachu)

..haha our subsitute teacher told us that one.

idk if anyone put this but this ones really good i like it.

ok so there were two muffins sitting in a oven an one goes "Dam! its hot in here!" an the other goes "Omfg! a talking muffin!!"

^^.. HAHHA





those 3 were HALLARIOUS. i couldnt stop laughing.... lol

^Oh my.. ahaha.. those are really funny!

this are all really funny post more if you have some

Ol' Fred had been a religious man who was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.

The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died. The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.

At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realised that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred died.

He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all."

He opened the note, and read out loud, "Hey, you're standing on my oxygen tube?"

----

There is a man in the park peeing in a fountain and a cop comes up to him and says, "Sir you need to zip that up. You aren't supposed to pee in a public fountain like that"

So the cop is leaving and the man zips up his pants but is laughing hysterically. finally the cop says "What are you laughing at?" and the man says "I zipped it up but I didnt stop!"

----

Q. What's pink and fluffy
A. Pink fluff
Q. What's blue and fluffy
A. Pink fluff holding it's breath
--
Haha well I thought they were funny.

I got this one from Pulp Fiction. It's so anti-funny.

So there was a Momma Tomato, a Poppa Tomato and a baby Tomato. They were all walking, but then the baby tomato was lagging behind. So then the poppa tomato squashed the baby tomato and said "Ketchup!"

GET IT!?!??!

Three women are in the grocery aisle at the supermarket. They're appraising and selecting cucumbers.

Woman #1, holding hers sensuously and with lust in her voice: "I like mine short and thick."

Woman #2, stroking it back and forth with her hand: "I like mine thin, but long."

Woman #3 gives the other two a disgusted look and says "I don't know about you two, but I'm buying them to eat!"

mwahahahahahahahahahahah```

There was a young girl who loved to wear ...

There was a young girl who loved to wear skirts everyday to school.
One day a boy asked her to climb the flag pole for a box of cookies.

She climbed the pole and all the boys in the schoolyard could see her panties.

When she got home she bragged to her mother that she got a box of cookies for climbing a flag pole. The mother knew that the boys just wanted to see up her skirt so she told the girl not to climb the pole again.

The next day the boy asked her to climb the pole for a box of candy. She did and they all saw her panties again.

When she went home she told her mother. Her mother was angry. She told the girl she shouldn't climb the pole. "They just want to see your panties and if you climb the pole again your grounded!"

The next day the same boy asked her to climb the pole for a box of doughnuts, so she climbed the pole again.

When she came home and told her mother what she got for climbing the pole, angrily she said, "I told you they only wanted to see your panties!"

"But mommy", the little girl answered, "this time I was smart enough not to wear any."

-----------------------------------------------------------------

In school one day, the teacher decided that ...

In school one day, the teacher decided that in science class she would teach about the elements. So she stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw element in the world what would it be?"
Little Stevie raised his hand and said, "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche."

The teacher nodded and called on little Susie.

Little Susie said, "I would want platinum, because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette"

The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicon."

The teacher said, "Why Johnny?"

He responded by saying, "Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!"

I love the last ones you posted. They were Super funny!!!!

A cop pulled a man over for speeding and says "License and registration, please." 'Here's my license, but I can't remember where my registration is-oh wait, I remember seeing it when I put my gun in my glovebox...' he goes to reach for glovebox, but cop stops him and say "You have a gun in your glovebox??" 'Yes, I put it in there after I shot a woman and put her body in my trunk.' "You have a dead body in your trunk?!?" 'mmhm' The cop runs to his car and calls for back-up telling them what the man said. The Sheriff comes up to the car and asks him "Sir, do you have a gun in your glovebox?" 'No sir, you can even check.' So he gets one of his men to check, no gun. So he asks the man "Sir, is there a dead body in your trunk?" 'No way! you can check that, too!' So, they open the trunk, no body. The Sheriff says 'But this officer said you had a gun and a dead body!' "I bet he told you I was speeding, too!"


that one was my favvv.
these are great
=]

okay im going to see if i can remember this right:

one day a young man was visiting with his grandfather. he was telling his grandpa about viagra and how it worked. Grandpa wanted to give this new pill a shot, so he offered to pay 50 dollars for one pill, promising to pay his grandson the next day. the grandson gives him the pill and grandpa goes on his merry little way. The next day, grandpa gives the man the money he promised, but the grandson notices he recieved 100 dollars instead of 50. He asks his grandpa why he gave him double the amount, and grandpa replyed "The first fifty is from me, and the other 50 is from grandma!! "

:]

i got some new oness.



It was George the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.

At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door and up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced!

When he had enough, they went downstairs where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.

"All of this was just too wonderful for words." He said, "But what's the dollar for"?

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you, and he said, "Screw him. Give him a dollar." "The breakfast was my idea!!"




A certain young man finally won a date with the blonde female of somewhat questionable morals that lived in his apartment complex. To prepare for his big date, the young man went up on to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude. Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof, and managed to get a sunburn on his "tool of the trade."

But the young man was determined not to miss his date, so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze. The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a homecooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie.

During the movie, however, the young man's sunburn started acting up again. He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen, and poured a tall, cool glass of milk. He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain.

The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his johnson immersed in a glass of milk. Upon seeing this, the blonde exclaimed, "So that's how you guys load those things!"



A blonde was driving along a country road, listening to the radio. The D.J. was telling blonde jokes one after the other, and she got extremly pissed off and turned of the radio.

She continued down the road, and she saw another blonde in a canoe trying to row across a grassy field. She stopped and got out of the car, and yelled across to the other blonde, "It's idiots like you who give us blondes a bad name! If I could swim, I'd come out there and give you a piece of my mind!"



haha more lateerr.

Why did the elephant cross the road?

--It was the chicken's day off

Knock Knock!
Who's There?
Leena.
Leena who?
Leena little closer and I'll tell you!

Oh.my.goodness.


YOU WOULD.

Pirate walks into a bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. The bartender serves him the drink, then sort of leans over the bar to get a better look at the pirate and goes, "Sir, you have a steering wheel in your pants!"
Pirate: "Yarrr, it's drivin' me nuts!"