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> Is it okay to physically punish your child(ren)?, i.e. pinching, slapping, forcibly dragging, etc.
Parenting Styles
Is it okay to physically punish your child(ren)?
Always. (it's always ok, even if I don't always do it) [ 0 ] ** [0.00%]
Never. (Never ever EVER!!!!) [ 3 ] ** [33.33%]
Sometimes. (Depends on why I am punishing him/her/them, how old they are, etc.) [ 5 ] ** [55.56%]
I don't know. [ 1 ] ** [11.11%]
Did your parents (or caretakers) physically punish you as a child?
Yes. (Quite frequently) [ 1 ] ** [11.11%]
No. (Close to never) [ 2 ] ** [22.22%]
Sometimes. (Occassionally...) [ 6 ] ** [66.67%]
Other. [ 0 ] ** [0.00%]
As a teen or adult, have you ever gotten into a physical altercation?
Yes. [ 4 ] ** [44.44%]
No. [ 5 ] ** [55.56%]
Other. [ 0 ] ** [0.00%]
Total Votes: 9
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flux
post Sep 20 2011, 03:16 AM
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Physical punishment can range from a slapping their hand's to beating with a belt, and takes many other forms.

Feel free to expand on your answers! I don't have children but I shall answer as if I did...

to make you all feel more comfortable sharing, i shall go first: sometimes, sometimes, & yes, ONCE. my mom slapped me, and i slapped her back out of pure reaction.... if you dont wanna vote but wanna discuss, that's fine too!
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Miss K♥
post Sep 20 2011, 04:30 AM
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I put I don't know, Sometimes and No.

I don't know on the first one because I know my parents gave me the occasional smack on the butt or even the mouth when I was being rude to them. My mom used to grab a wooden spoon and threaten to smack me when she lost her nerve, which happened very rarely. And to their defense, I was a really difficult teenager. Despite all that I'm not traumatized or anything and I fully understand when parents sometimes just lose their temper. I don't have kids of my own yet and I would never ever touch one of the kids I nanny for because I have no right to do that, but I must admit that sometimes I would have liked to. To sum up: I believe there are enough other forms of discipline parents should use, but I don't think a smack will cause any damage.

And no, I've never gotten in to fights or anything. Only with my siblings, they sometimes were pretty physical, but that stopped when we all turned into teenagers.
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Jessica*
post Sep 20 2011, 06:00 AM
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I'd never pinch my kid or anything like that. But, I definitely have spanked her. She is the kind of kid who likes to push her limits to see how far she can go. No matter how many times I tell her no, and bring her somewhere else, or try and distract her with something else, she'll always go back. A little swat on the bum lets her know I am serious, and 9 times outta 10 she'll stop her naughty behaviour. I'd like to clarify that this isn't a full strength, out to hurt her spank. It doesn't make her cry or anything. She's also gotten her hand swatted. But same thing as a bum spank. I think as she gets older, I'd like to try a time out thing. She doesn't understand it right now, and it ends up making her more upset (screaming hysterically til she can't breathe upset) but as she gets older, I'm definitely going to try it out. Oh, also right now. If she's tired, crabby and being naughty as a result of that her 'punishment' is quiet time. Her and I will relax on the couch, or I'll rock her until she's relaxed, or we'll lounge in bed. That usually helps her out.

I was spanked as a child growing up when I was being really bad. I don't really think it affected me negatively or anything. I don't even remember being spanked tbh. I remember more of the time outs.. which were even more painful than the spanks (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif) lol

I got into a fight in highschool with a girl who called me out because she thought I was trying to get with her boyfriend. Bunch of highschool drama there. She was a kind of 'tough' girl. I also fought with my sister. She has some pretty bad issues though. Bi-polar and other sorts of mental crap, so she was impossible to live with (in my defense haha).
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Miss K♥
post Sep 20 2011, 10:01 AM
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Oh time outs really were the worst. I definitely remember being sent to my room a lot. And the kids I looked after in Scotland had a naughty box which was just a big old wooden chest and they had to sit on in the hall. Nothing terrified them more than having to go sit on the naughty box ...

I think it's actually weird that it's such a big deal nowadays when you spank your kid. It's like you can't do anything anymore or you'll be called a bad parent. There's a difference between pinching or any other form of hurting somebody and spanking. I would never pinch a kid or pull its hair or something, that's just violent.
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love fuhrer
post Sep 20 2011, 02:46 PM
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Look, I admit this is coming from someone who hasn't had a kid, but I sort of get the idea that it doesn't have to be necessary. Maybe this is what I am being rote taught but being aware of the successful (at least they say they are) parenting programmes out there, technique-building and skills etc I certainly don't intend to do any smacking if I ever become a parent. Yes, there's a difference between pinching/hair pulling/any other myriad thing you can come up with to minimise smacking. But I believe it's personal choice. And so long as you're not instilling fear and anxiety in your child then I guess you gotta do what works for your kid. I feel like I am contradicting myself here, but it's one of those topics that I honestly find hard to wrap my head around, having never been there.

As an aside, I think more parents should be getting baby/toddler brain-development education. I recently went to a seminar when the professor stated he held the belief that the first three months is when you wreck a child.

This is a genuine question, not designed to be deliberately inflammatory: what's the point of spanking if you're not inflicting some kind of pain? Do you reckon it will get to a point of desensitisation where the punishment might have to escalate?

Anyway, I wasn't spanked as a kid but like Kathi I was threatened with the jamspoon (never happened, obviously!) so there's obviously no tried and true method about which parenting form is better.

And I have been in a fight before. But I prefer to call it a battle.
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Miss K♥
post Sep 20 2011, 03:27 PM
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This is sort of off topic, but I cannot picture you in a physical fight. Whatever happened to the pen being mightier than the sword, Love!? (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

And I think the point of spanking isn't necessarily to inflict pain, but to have a quick and memorable "answer" to whatever the child has done wrong. There are moments when any other form of punishment, like "go to your room and think about what you've just done" or "no TV" won't seem to have the same immediate effect.
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Jessica*
post Sep 20 2011, 08:07 PM
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QUOTE (love fuhrer @ Sep 20 2011, 04:46 PM) *
This is a genuine question, not designed to be deliberately inflammatory: what's the point of spanking if you're not inflicting some kind of pain? Do you reckon it will get to a point of desensitisation where the punishment might have to escalate?


I think it gives her a shock to let her know Mom is serious. I don't know, lol but it works. I wouldn't escalate the punishment (as in harder spanks) if she got desensitized to it. I would take it as me needing to take a different approach when it comes to punishment. Hopefully by that time she understands the concept of time outs. If not.. well.. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get there (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif)
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flux
post Sep 21 2011, 04:26 AM
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hmm this is interesting, thanks for replying!
as for the spanking to send a message, not to actually hurt....well i think every once and a while when they are really really naughty & you've already warned them verbally, etc, i think you should pinch or spank them so that it actually hurts. if you *never* spank them so that it hurts, i dont think they will get point of spanking. they will think "oh it doesnt hurt that much at all, i can still do what i like". but then again, growing up, my mom used to pinch me REALLY hard, & my dad used to tell us (my brother and me) to hold out our hands, and he would slap them. i remember sometimes it hurt a lot, and sometimes it didnt hurt so much.

do you guys think that exposing your children to physical violence is teaching them that physical violence is an okay method for problem solving?
personally, i think if physical violence is the first method of punishment, then it is being used too often. i dont think children understand that some things are okay for some people to do, and some things are not okay for some people to do. they dont take into consideration the relationship of the people. i see this a lot when kids say "no fair!" when really it is fair. some people are allowed to do certain things and others arent. like parents/guardians are allowed to discipline their children, but kids can not discipline their peers...
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love fuhrer
post Sep 21 2011, 10:42 PM
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Dude: if you can't punish prisoners with physical violence why should you be doing it to children?

It's interesting: what makes a smack acceptable but pinching not?

P.S. Got mad Buffy-stylz going on, Kathi!
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flux
post Sep 24 2011, 03:51 PM
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well because the physical violence that prisoners would get wouldn't be little pinches or heavy pats on the bum. "it" would not be the same, "it" would be much much worse. the physical punishment kids get can often times be abusive, but i dont think it is fair for other parents who DONT abuse their children, to not be able to give a little spanking now and then, just because there are parents who take it too far.

also, i didnt realize pinching your own kid was not acceptable.... oooooh im soooo telling my mom how she messed me up!!! lol
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rugger4life
post Sep 24 2011, 09:04 PM
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i think it all really depends on the kid and the circumstances.. some kids really need a good spanking... others a simple "NO" will work. They used to lightly slap the back of my nephews hand when they would tell him no, to shake his system not to injure. He is very nonvocal and uses very few words at 3 1/2, and instead of saying "No" when he didn't want something he would slap.

Some kids think the word "No" is a funny word so when you tell them "No" they just look at you laugh and keep doing what they were doing, time out doesn't always phase them either.

Then theres the bratty kids at the supermarket that it is obvious have no form of discipline and really could use a good spanking to straighten them out...

Obviously the punishment for physically harming another person/kid would be more severe then getting into the freezer and eating all the ice cream right before dinner time...

not sure if i make any sense right now... so exhausted lol
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Robb
post Sep 25 2011, 04:22 AM
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Well, when I misbehaved growing up, I got spanked if I was bold enough, and given a time out. It worked. I learned fairly quickly not to misbehave.

I've seen kids these days with NO discipline at all. As in even telling them no is classed as "abuse". And you see the results fairly fast, out of control little shits wrecking the place.
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Miss K♥
post Sep 25 2011, 05:08 PM
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Wrecking the place and then being elected president by other out of control little shits. Can't wait for them to run the country. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)
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love fuhrer
post Sep 25 2011, 07:45 PM
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I am simply of the belief that there are things society looks back on and cringes at now, and that child discipline will be the same in fifty years time. You really gotta emphasise different strokes for different folks but don't just disregard a non-violent alternative.
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